Thank you for the opportunity to introduce myself. The path that took me to your website is very unexpected and totally unplanned. I wasn’t even looking for this type of website (at least not consciously 
. This is a little long, thanks in advance to anyone who takes even a quick look.
A serendipitous event is probably the best way to describe how this feels to me. I don’t make any claim and I don’t feel that I am a “wanderer” in the typical sense but I have started to feel increasingly separated from normal day to day life. This doesn’t make day to day life easier as I’ve found that I am not very motivated to focus on the regular daily responsibilities. At the same time I’ve been losing my interest and motivation to stay on the “regular” path I’ve been feeling a greater pull to find some way to “fulfill my purpose”, to find ways to be of more service. Ideally, that would mean combining a way to make a living and fulfill my purpose at the same time.
My goal is to fulfill my purpose but I’m not entirely sure of how to do this. I very much appreciate the guidance you provide, as written below:
That does not necessarily translate to performing some great world service on an outer level. Rather, it is a service of being, a service of simply radiating who you are, shining the love and the light of the one Creator through your essential vibration.
This resonates with me as how I can be of service is a concept I struggle with. Thank you.
I think it would help if I provide some context as to how I found my way here. When I think back on it seems almost impossible to me. It was not very long ago that I would have laughed out loud at the idea that I would even consider even visiting your website let alone take the time to provide my input.
I come from a modest family in Eastern Canada. I’m a Gen Xer, born in 68. I was born to parents who were both from large Irish Catholic families and I naturally inherited a lot of my parents cultural perspectives and beliefs, including a strong Catholicism. My early years were pretty typical, church, boy scouts, sports. I was even an altar boy at Mass, as my parents had some early aspirations of me becoming a priest 
I was heavily influenced by World War 2 Veterans early on. I lived in a neighborhood of vets, I had several relatives who were vets and a lot of my teachers and coaches were vets. I aspired to be like them as they represented to me very solid examples to follow.
So my background was pretty conservative overall. Our family struggled financially and it caused some hardships at home, including a lot of conflict between my parents. The one bad memory I have is of my parents fighting. My father moved down to the basement for a number of years and my parents didn’t interact at all, unless it was to fight. So that took it’s toll on myself and my 3 brothers.
And it motivated me to get away from home as soon as I could so I joined the army out of high school. That didn’t last to long and I switched to college where I I found an environment where I felt I fit in, I enjoyed academic work and continued on to get a Masters Degree.
I’ve always had a strong interest in history but somehow ended up majoring in Political Science and Economics, which inspired a lifelong interest in politics and economics as well. I found my motivation in college and tried to pursue a career in the Canadian Federal government. After a few experiences of working life in a government department I did a 180 and transferred into an MBA. I decided my inclination was more towards the private sector than the public sector.
I have been “fortunate” in my life to have encountered very good mentors and role models, despite the hardships at home. This good fortune continued when I joined the MBA. I needed a summer internship and my father contacted someone at one of the largest Canadian companies. I didn’t realize it at the time but even though we were economically poor, my father had some very wealthy and influential contacts. I got the internship and that internship gave me the experience that I am still benefitting from today.
This job eventually led to me a lucrative career working with leading consulting agencies and I far surpassed anything my parents experienced or expected from myself or my brothers. In 1998 Itransferred with work to the US and have been here since. I also ended up being the first person from both sides of my family to get a college degree and my example inspired my brothers to all complete college and have very successful careers of they’re own.
So I have a lot to be grateful for. I was also very fortunate for the people who came into my life. I was married to an incredible woman and we brought 2 amazing boys into the world. This was another unexpected “serendipitous” event. She is East Indian background and our engagement caused some consternation in my family as she was not Christian, let alone Catholic. Kind of a no-no in traditional Catholic families. But, damn the torpedoes, we went full steam ahead and married and had a great 10 years before life challenges really hit us. Her mother, who wanted her daughter to marry a well established Indian gentlemen, eventually grew to accept and embrace me. Thankfully, her grandmother was very supportive and was instrumental in our getting married and building a family.
My mother in law took ill with a fatal brain infection and passed on (hopefully to a higher level density ) and that’s when the challenges started. My wife had relied on her mother to be her sounding board and support. Without her guidance the daily tensions and minor differences between us escalated and eventually led to her meeting another man. This was devastating to me and I went off the rails for a while and descended into self absorption and indulgence.
This went on for a while but eventually I pulled out of it, thanks to support from my family and my sons, who I spent a lot of time with. They were young hockey players so a lot of my weekend time was take going to hockey games, which prevented me from pursuing “less holistic” activities.
It took a long time but I eventually learned to accept what happened and understood my role in it. Acceptance is a magical thing. This came after I found myself spending more time on my own reflecting, instead of chasing distractions and self indulgences.
Another serendipitous moment came one day I was browsing the book store. Normally I always browse history, current affairs but this particular day I found myself wandering down the Spiritual/Self Improvement aisle. These types of books never interested me. I actually thought most of it was crap. Somehow my attention was directed to a small book on a lower shelf. I picked it up and decided to give it a chance. This was The Power of Now by Eckhardt Tolle. This is the kind of book I would have laughed at a couple years before but I guess I was ready for it. That was my first step to a better awareness and acceptance of what life bring and learning to appreciate and be more grateful for the blessings I did have. As usually happens when you become open to a different way of thinking other sources appear. I read a couple of Tolle’s books, listened to podcasts and found my way to Stoic philosophy, thanks to The Daily Stoic website. Somewhere along this path I also came across – don’t recall how – an interview with “Hidden Hand”. I read this with interest but was fairly skeptical. The one thing that caught my attention was the importance of service to others over service to self. This was something that had been percolating inside me for a while but I was definitely not acting on it, other than focusing on my kids, I was still very much in my own head.
Interestingly once I started the process of personal reflection I met my second wife and we shared a lot of similar interests in personal evolution. Unfortunately, that marriage ended in divorce as well but I dealt a lot better with that break up than I did with the first one. I truly loved her and did everything I could for her and her family so my conscious is totally clear and acceptance came a lot easier. One unexpected benefit of that break up was that pushed me further into self-reflection and a greater desire to keep evolving and to share my learnings and experiences.
That was several years ago and it has been a gradual evolution but I feel I am getting closer to where I need to be. Practicing the Stoic concepts has helped me evolve in the right direction. I’ve become more accepting of whatever life brings, I feel I’m more aware of my own thinking and perceptions, at least I try to be more aware. My challenge is I feel I need to be more active in serving others so I have attempted to extend myself more, for example volunteering for a prison ministry, signing up and taking training for a suicide hotline, though I didn’t complete it in time and still have not actually become a “Crisis counsellor”. I need to “walk the talk” more. Action eliminate doubt is a maxim I truly believe but need to exercise more deliberately in my own life.
I very much appreciate the opportunity to share my story with you and hope it contributes to the greater “database” in a positive way.
Thank You