hey:) um. I heart you. Your vulnerability is so… felt. I truly am just … happy about it.
We all… can be so scholarly and technical at points… and that’s, has balance and isn’t disruptive when we act with with major discernment of not dismissing our human beingness, I think:) This, to me, is kinda a big deal.
( There are many times I have to cut myself off from letting my thoughts be the energy behind the fingers when I type. I get soo… entangled in it. If I was a person who took the time to be exact… to recite with precision a quote as an example… I would very similar to how I can get… really… caught up in the precision of expressing the feeling of a concept I have going on in my thinking… so, all my stones are scattered about my house, I am not throwing any:) )
I just love that you just shared your thoughts/ feels as they are and its so honest and sincere sounding, on first read, that I just had to pause and respond to it and share my gratitude. These are the moments that really help, for me… help as in, it’s grounding, in a way that connection, just speaking from the heart about a feeling/concern/idea in your right now… can only be. All we have is now… and that… this, what I noticed in this one was that… how we feel right now, when we don’t try to worry about if it changes later or … make assumptions about the future on this feeling might not make sense or sound silly or be offensive or? whatever, but share it as it is… that’s presence. So, thanks:)
And … because I like to dive in to what I think and where it is coming from, what are the connecting points that got me here… I would pose to you a question(s) before much more reply… so I dont forget. say you… but myself or anyone it lands with on a same feeling that you share here:
Do you seek to be somewhere? to experience some thing other than the 3rd? Do you feel it is going to be that you will have many loops of forgetting? Do you feel it is true that you need worry or … give your energy to this belief of mistakes have been made to cause you to be in … an experience of undesired outcome/ discomfort… like a punishment?
ok, actually I am going to keep going:) (GL 
)
So many biblical references come up with this, for me… I always get the crucifixion chapters in my mind … at the image/feeling of forgetting/separation/being forgotten/punishment or sacrifice…
The feeling of being cut off from the divinity with us all, as is in our being, we are all one…
the scene written when Yeshua called out, “Father, why have you forsaken me” … the feeling that it was all for naught and the feeling of aloneness, forgetting the feeling of connection to the Divine Infinite Creator. This moment is like… for a moment… all was, forgotten. The pain was beyond the point of tolerable and took over the systems, in mind, body and heart… in that moment, it was that experience in the perceived awareness… thus this idea/comparison of being forsaken.
Then… he rests and wakes up and looks to the hands and has not forgotten.
He desired to remain connected, he knew who he was. He prayed/meditated. His devotion/ ie what he gave his time and energy to, was in his awareness with intention. He did not dictate or teach those who did not ask to be taught… he saw all as equal of love and all worthy … no matter the place of understanding … and more… and in this, there are so many beautiful poetic metaphors expressed in New Testament stories… as I perceive them. He lived and experienced life as a member, participant of it and the example or offering storytelling in thought and through the vulnerability that comes when one in society acts out side what the common norms are…
what keeps us from Love? I think it is fear. Fear or a word like it. Love and Light, are linked. are One… with in your heart… does it feel true, to give life to this fear?
I trust you to have you:) I am not ever fully sure what I mean by that but I like to say it, often:)
I think…well, another thing I find I speak to kind of often is this question or … query is just a better word as it… is more a deeply … like a thought question with a request for resonance as part of the answer… but anyways," are you right in your heart? does it feel clear? if your heart is clear then the answer is yes, it shall go as you seek, desire, you are on a path that is true for you. If it is not in this… clear, then… this is the thing first to seek. "
It seems this question/query has, when I have offered it for my own reply to someone … well, it has been clear to me that it is the factor. This… clear heart thing. … for whatever that may or may n to mean to you. I think to best way for me to sum that up is the feeling clear/true? With practice we quickly begin to realize we cannot lie to our own self, we always know what is true to us. And this helps us to know if our heart is clear, simply seeking with in to ask and hear/know the answer. We can, I do this often… try to make it sound like it is answer we want but there I still know I am forcing it. Once you are in the habit of being in connection with the sound of your own inner voice, not guides or misguides but your own, higher self, if that works,… it takes a pretty huge amount of energy to lock it up and ignore the feeling-sound of your own existence. Awareness, seeking, receive to allowing in of this connection with in, to the love all around you… to gratitude and so much more… so much more… that’s waking up. Your energy is here. Should you find you are hanging out again… there is no reason for you to fear forgetting and all that has… become associated to you/whomever in the experience of forgetting. It sucks, to be in forgetting, for me… its a heartbroken kind of loneliness. it feels like being alone and lost and forgotten. This, to me… is because, the world around us in this now… is the experience of holding us in the forgetting state and then… the knowing of this … I think, we are born with this and the experience of the veil, as I understand it from with in and just for me this is how I feel right now, is laid upon us as we live in this experience from baby to whenever. the veil, it’s akin, I think, to a mass gaslighting by society. WE are told how we feel and told we do not feel how we feel. we are told what to like or told what to say to think or what we do and do not see or how to solve for a problem or how to draw a cat… its all… someone else telling us who we are over and over and over again until we have fully forgotten… and then we, midlife crisis or something else … I think many people have called a set of certain behaviors as identity crisis but It seems to me, identity is the crisis. In this… they are kind of fighting against this can not breathe … like trying to get out a well fitted wet suit and your fingers are in giant thick mittens. they either… walk the plank and hurt everyone around them in this crisis state to escape the caged feeling inside or they have an anchor point and they kind of begin to wake up… its much more so and not really as widely applicable, I notice, these days than in decades previously.
(as I type this I noticed something about myself. I was born with a caul. My mom only mentioned it to me when I was running a very high temp for days and I woke up week later, no hospital for us to go to, and she told me all these things she had not ever told me before. She called it a veil… hmm).
Holding expectations on oneself… this is to hold oneself back. This is not the same thing as having standards or as in knowing oneself and what is right for oneself, like values or being able to act in the scope of your discernment and freewill… like saying no to a request of you and trusting the person to realize this is about you and you can not but it is not a rejection of them without having o explain that! a bit utopian maybe:) we’ll get there 
but really, I think you get my … thing I am hopefully saying 
these … expectations… they cause you to? stay put. they are weights. even if it appears to be making ground… its… limiting you to a thing. and absolutely ! all experiences are valid:)
now I am reading on further to what you typed… agreed. about knowing oneself is to know the One Infinite Creator for it is through the experience of Oneself… and in that experience we also gain the ability/awareness of … giving shape/form…thought form?.. language, words … whatever… definition maybe… anyways… to a thing. ie, Source.
AWW:)) I feel the rest, I feel this very similarly as well… and it makes a lot of same kind of sense In how I experience. understand… all the aspects of what you are expressing:)
in the end… did Ra make a mistake? It is allll experience of self… In the end, which an end is not an actual thing… a human idea only… for a point of reference as so much is, to see and know oneself… to allow the definition of the experience as … all will be as it is in the experiencing of oneself and all will return to whole and flow apart yet anew … no chicken, no egg… just Love and Light… every flowing waves of Love and Light, that is what came first. there is no chicken or egg they are both waves:)
… I am deeply grateful and I have so much loving admiration for the lives experienced by all with in the sphere of LL, Carla, Jim, Don,
I don’t know how to like or heart this but that’s what these words are for. I heart this:)
