S.O.S. to the universe

Quick life story, I am 31 years old, a virgin, on SSI disability for major depression. In the last 6 months I have quit the medications and drugs prescribed for depression/anxiety that I have been on since I was 20, these include abilify, lexapro, klonopin, trazodone, aswell as kratom and weed. I dropped out of society in the 2nd grade, I skipped school more than I went to school all the way until I dropped out at 16. I escaped into video games since I was a kid. I was basically a mute in school and started having suicidal thoughts since I was 15. On feb 20th I thought I found Jesus and the truth and prayed and fasted with no results, just more suffering. My entire life just feels like a nightmare I can’t wake up from no matter what but for some reason I never give in to suicide. I don’t eat or sleep much anymore, I have nightmares every night, lost 15 pounds in the last few weeks. I think I have permanent brain damage from the psychiatric meds I have been on for 11 years, meds that never worked and just made it near impossible to come off. I can’t remember the last time I felt good and I have never been happy. The only other person I care about is my brother and my pet cats. It is hard to focus on anything, my memory feels destroyed from the klonopin. It is so difficult to meditate. Where do I even begin? How do I get this light/love? How can I have this love for everything when I feel so horrible at all times?

What does the law of one say about the pineal gland? I checked my local water report, the water I drink and eat food with, the food that is processed and sprayed with pesticides, it all has fluoride in it. Fluoride calcifies the pineal gland. I have been drinking the tap water, eating the processed foods all my life. Why is the calcification of the pineal gland never talked about? How do I heal my pineal gland?

Last night I had a really weird experience. I was listening to a guided meditation to ascend into higher dimensions. I was in a spaceship and an old man was beaming a light into my forehead and I saw all these different geometrical shapes and mathematical equations that made no sense to me, one image that stuck with me was vitruvian man in a pentagram, I have never heard of vitruvian man until I googled what I saw. I got paralyzed in my bed, I couldn’t move a muscle. I freaked out and came out of it with intense heat inside and outside of my body with no sweating. It took 3 hours to chill out and go to sleep after. Why did I freak out instead of accepting it? What does it mean? What is holding me back? How do I receive this light and love?


Welcome here Jeebie,

all kinds of thoughts towards you.

I have a small question. Is there anything, as in the smallest thing of everyday life that makes you for some long seconds happy ? Any smallest thing ? As a cup of coffee for example ? Or… cleaning the kitchen sink ? Any small thing ?

Do you think meditation would work for you? I saw you did a guided one, but I’m referring to silent meditations where you focus on breathing and allow thoughts to just drift by.

I don’t know what happy is. I have been walking the trail at a park near my house everyday 4-5 miles. Is it feeling good? I don’t have that which I long for.

I do this everyday as many times as I can. I do it when I am walking or in the shower. I can’t go without a thought for more than a few seconds.

Thoughts are ok when meditating. Just bring your attention back to your breath. Even experienced meditators deal with thoughts.

Why is it that when I asked the people who converted me to Christianity about the law of one and meditating they did a 180 and told me I was denouncing Jesus and now demons are going to kill me and take me straight to hell?

Normally I go to bed after a meditation but something told me to check these forums first and this is where I came. I’m not comfortable posting what could be considered advice when this journey we are all taking is personal. But, I normally go to bed after meditating and tonight I didn’t. So, here we are.

I can’t tell you what will work for you, I can only tell you what worked/works for me. Sometimes, I just have to take action. Understanding comes later. Once heard that happiness is the byproduct of taking right action, or something like that. So, when I don’t understand something or don’t feel right, I just try to DO. And if what I do doesn’t work, I do something different (like brushing my teeth with the opposite hand).

I was once told if I didn’t pray I was going to hell. I’ve been among good people that mean well but operate based on fear. If you consider yourself a follower of Jesus’ teachings, don’t let their fear cause you to lose your way. All paths lead to God/the One Infinite Creator/whatever you choose to call It. Faith is a beautiful thing. Religion is for people that don’t want to go to hell, spirituality is for those that have already been there (someone way smarter than me told me that).

I hope some of this helps.

Love and Light,

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Thank you, the reason I went from being non-spiritual / agnostic from 0 -100 was I heard a faint voice in the back of my mind that told me to rejoice for I was saved while I was praying and asking for help. I have never heard it before or after that. I don’t know if it was god or something else. I just wasn’t satisfied with the bible, it seemed to be the easy way out? I am signing up to volunteer at animal shelters near me as I love animals more than humans right now. I can’t offer money but I am physically fit to offer my body in service.


Jeebie, I just asked if there was a small thing you loved to do in your life, just because I went through a dark time a long time ago.
The thing that saved me was that I would go to a cafe and have a cup of coffee, outside just by myself and decided that for ten minutes this would be my own time completely for me free of dark thoughts. I would look at the sky and feel grateful for the sun, or the clouds, the tree next to the coffee shop, and for whatever was going in the street.

Strangely this, very mundane thing, was what slowly started to save me. So that was why I asked you.

Please do not think of whatever others would think about what you believe. That little voice inside is the best…

I hope this helps
much love Jeebie


I guess walking the trail at my park. There is this open field of grass that I sit and try to meditate. If I didn’t go for those walks I wouldn’t survive.

Everyone default state is happy, thus you don’t need ‘thing that you long for’ in order to be happy.
The key to happiness is sincerity and gratitude.
Thus the key to happiness lies inside of you and not outside of you.

LOL, I might knew very well why. It’s a long answer…
For a quick answer in case you met them again just replied with, “It’s ok if that’s case then it will be my task to turn hell into a loving and peaceful place” and to turn the demons to become angels.

I got really angry after they said that and told them some mean stuff. Then I apologized the next day, decided to just ignore/block them. I kind of agreed to getting a private baptism from a Baptist pastor that came to my house about 10 years ago trying to convert me. I don’t mind doing this since it would make my uncle happy, other than that I was baptized catholic and went to Sunday school as a kid which honestly pushed me further from god than anything else in life. I do believe something in me changed when God or whatever spoke to me, I have always wanted to come off these psych meds and drugs but never could get through the withdrawals. Then in a span of a few weeks I went cold turkey on 4 of them at the same time aswell as quitting porn. I still felt horrible(still do) but I could function better and feels like I am evolving. I just had this gut feeling that these drugs were hindering my spirituality and had to dump them all in the trash. I still struggle with vaping nicotine and small doses of klonopin. If I look at it objectively it is a miracle I quit them and didn’t completely lose it, rather I started to thrive after.


Honestly jeebie, I am pretty much in awe of what you are doing. Sending you all kinds of good things,

Nature, as the grass you hike in, and feeling gratitude, as Quid says, is really what anchor us back .

Much much love

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You might not have control of events that’s happening around you.
But you will always have control of how you want to experienced this life regardless of the events that’s happening around you.

Becoming angry or happy is always a choice that you made within you, regardless of the events that’s happening around you.

PS: Having said that, do they who said those mean stuff to you realized that Jesus is NOT a Christian? (Or a Catholic for that matter).

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Questioner: Thank you. Can you give me examples of catalytic action to produce learning under each of the following headings from the last session we had… Can you give me an example of the self unmanifested producing learning catalyst?

Ra: I am Ra. We observed your interest in the catalyst of pain. This experience is most common among your entities. The pain may be of the physical complex. More often it is of the mental and emotional complex. In some few cases the pain is spiritual in complex-nature. This creates a potential for learning. The lessons to be learned vary. Almost always these lessons include patience, tolerance, and the ability for the light touch.

Very often the catalyst for emotional pain, whether it be the death of the physical complex of one other-self which is loved or some other seeming loss, will simply result in the opposite, in a bitterness, an impatience, a souring. This is catalyst which has gone awry. In these cases, then, there will be additional catalyst provided to offer the unmanifested self further opportunities for discovering the self as all-sufficient Creator containing all that there is and full of joy.

There can be no loss in unity, you are fully equipped to know joy and love.

Think about expectations. Think about how setting unhealthy expectations leads to self defeat.

The only one who is preventing you from achieving your goals is you.

No one wants you to be unhappy, or unloved.

All you have to do is tell yourself you’re worthy, and have no doubts.

Rejoice indeed, for you are at the precipice of your conscious awareness.

Wake up to the momement, feel the ever present love. Embrace the honor and duty you have to bring it out for others to experience.

All is well

I decided any more communication with those people will just bring more negativity. If you want I can dm you their website, they are completely anonymous even called me a few times with no caller id and one time she spoke in tongues. I didn’t know at the time but apparently you should never speak in tongues without an interpreter present. It seemed more like a cult that I joined for only a few days until all the doubt and logic overcame it.

Thanks but no thanks Jeebie, I’ve encountered many similar people in my current lifetime too.
Wish them well and let’s hope that they will transform their negativity to it’s opposite (positivity).
Eventually they will… if not on this lifetime perhaps on their future lifetime.

Just in case you’re wondering, this group is not a cult, at least we try our best to avoid of becoming / transforming into a cult. Ra/Quo is not a deity and Law Of One is not a religion. Everyone here are free to believe whatever they want and join or leave anytime they want.


I thought this might be helpful:

I wish I could resonate with that video but I have had no relationships/dating that it seems to focus on. I don’t believe I am unattractive, I have had plenty of opportunities especially in my teens/20s. Friends/family constantly tried to get me “laid” even going as far as to lock me in my room while holding the door shut with a girl who really liked me and was very sexual. It never felt right, quite the opposite. In high school I had a lot of attention from girls that always made me uncomfortable even though I didn’t show it or stop them. In my mid 20s I realized all I ever wanted was a wife/soulmate to start a family. Something that seems improbable in these modern times. I figured it best to just stay celibate unless that person appears out of thin air. I can see the nature of a person after a few minutes of meeting them and it has lead me to a life of few friends and loneliness. I have already accepted being a virgin until death unless some divine intervention happens.