Can someone explain to me why I give up on life? I feel tired and can't find my way to the light

This post was prompted by feelings I have had for a long time, and in fact most of what I have ever done on this forum has been an attempt to escape these thoughts and think about how I am healing my soul. In reality, I just did not notice the hole in it. I am the kind of person who is constantly searching for something, and I think what made me that way was the constant desire for security, because the world seemed so alien to me since I was a child, and the constant desire to learn something new gave me a feeling that I would understand how to survive in this world. I wanted to feel like I could find a way to cope, and looking at the people around me, I knew that this way would not be in everyday affairs, and not in conversations with people, but somewhere completely different. I saw what people prefer not to notice, and I noticed that I was not the only one living, literally deceiving myself. What kind of self-deception is this? I have been immersed in reading all sorts of spiritual materials for a long time, and almost all of this, if you look at it honestly, puts a person into a state of sleep. And to explain this, I will start talking about it as it is, without the “beautiful presentation” that I previously demanded of myself to do. There are a lot of things I want to say and I do not know how best to start this post, so I will just start and please try to understand what I am trying to say.

As a person goes through life, there inevitably comes a moment when he realizes that he has been lied to. He realizes that where he sees white, it is actually black. At that moment, a person has the opportunity to get rid of this huge amount of lies, but most people, almost everyone, will not do this, because most people have invested a lot of effort, energy, time, money in relationships, family, work, home, children, and so on. Therefore, a person cannot bear to accept that they could have been deceived. So they will do everything to find any reason or excuse to make life seem normal and without problems. There are many beliefs, such as “there is no right or wrong”, “you cannot comprehend God”, “good and evil are just concepts”, and so on. And in this case, the direct experience that a person gets from direct contact with life (suffering) is covered by beliefs, which as we will see later, are just words taken out of thin air. If you look at the daily things that people do, that is, you look at work/friends/relationships/family etc., and you add up the pure minutes that people are actually happy, and you compare that to the total minutes of your entire life, the real happiness is less than 1%. And what’s harder is the daily grind that you have to do to stay alive, to get that 1%. To understand that the ratio is really like this, you can look at a specific example of the relationship. If you look at the relationship process, you will see that people are constantly making compromises. A person is constantly doing something, even in their free time, but most of the time there is no true feeling of happiness. If you compare the amount of true happiness with the amount of headaches, efforts, the amount of compromises, nagging, then the percentage of happiness is really very small. If someone came to you and suggested doing something that would only bring you 5% happiness and 95% fatigue, you would laugh and move on, wondering who would agree to that. But the reality is that if you look at people honestly, they all get very tired of each other, and the amount of fatigue is really huge. And what makes people not look at this honestly is what I wrote at the beginning of the paragraph. In essence, it is faith that pushes a person to continue doing what he is doing, because he believes that the problems will be solved. But they are not solved. I wrote this whole introduction, if you can call it that, so that the reader has a chance to realize that people actually suffer most of their time, and stubbornly try not to notice it. The point is not that there will be someone among the readers who will find fault with why I am talking about 5% and how I calculated it. The point is that you yourself honestly calculate the ratio: how much energy I spend, how much real happiness I receive. All of us will have a very small percentage.

The more I delve into this study, the more I realize how cleverly life is designed, with a specific purpose that can be easily seen if you look at your direct experience of life. Suffering. Living causes suffering. On different levels. There is the gross way, like hitting your foot on a hard object and it will hurt, and then there is the subtle way, like moral pain. And my observation is that life brilliantly does the latter. If you take any object in life and look at it honestly, you can see how it is intentionally designed to hurt. Again, I have a hard time describing these things coherently, so I just write it as it is, even if it doesn’t sound as coherent as I’d like. Many teachings say that “life is perfect”, but people tend to twist any information to suit their own selfish purposes, such as making the information sound the way they want it to sound and make them feel better. For example, if an enlightened being says “life is perfect”, people will think that life is meant to be positive/benevolent and will not accept that there could be another interpretation.

There is no instant, easy, understandable, and always available way to leave this life.

Not for any person, entity, etc. If such a possibility to leave life and existence existed, then everyone would know about it. But if such a possibility and information is available only to a limited circle of entities, and all the other myriads of entities continue to suffer, then this is simply a real torture and prison. This concept of a safe word is extremely important because if it existed in this “place” called life, this safe word would immediately eliminate the desire of many people to commit suicide. Because if a person knows that he can leave this body/world instantly and painlessly whenever he wants, then he can choose to stay in this world for a little while longer.

There is absolutely no need for negative experiences of any kind. Suffering is unnecessary.

If there really was freedom as described in the previous paragraph, then the situation would be this: you decide to try some action, you realize that it brings you an enormous amount of unbearable pain, and you decide to stop it immediately and never go back to it again. There is absolutely no need to hurt yourself mentally and suffer torment when there is freedom. If there is no way to stop instantly and immediately without effort and any other demands, then it is just torture. And this is what people turn a blind eye to. Life is fundamentally devoid of compassion. Life is precisely to demonstrate the lack of compassion. You will always be individualized, and you will always be forced to interact, no matter what form or density you are in. And you have no instant and easy way to cancel your individualization (cancel your essence). If there was freedom to always and immediately choose an infinitely beautiful place of love, warmth and joy, then everyone would choose this one place. But since life is fundamentally and specially deprived of this, then the essence can only undergo all sorts of trials, tests, searches in order to find that place themselves. That is, if you look at life honestly, then life is a constant search for light and love, because simply wishing for this infinite place of love, we will not receive it. That is, life thus explores positive energies and the positive component of itself. But to come to this conclusion, we must admit that for this life is the most perfect and ideal hell. And the point is that the Creator is then inevitably absolute evil because he does all these terrible things, and that’s just the inevitable conclusion you come to when you look at life honestly. The essence of suffering itself is that there is always that point where you can do nothing and where you are helpless. That is, your individualization, a clot of something that then becomes part of the Logos and then further begins the game of the first density on some planet, in order to, ironically, return to where one could get to with a simple wish, if the Creator allowed it.

This is really important to realize. There are no benevolent gods, religions, special light beings, dimensions, etc, because all these realm dimension entities, etc allow so much suffering to exist. And all these realm dimension entities, etc, have been around for thousands of years and there is still so much suffering.

Next I just want to briefly write down short statements that people might make and give an answer to them. This will be like the final part of my attempt to tell about my thoughts.

“Life is amazing/perfect.”

If someone says that, they probably mean it in a positive way. And if that’s the case, they’re being selfish, because they can only believe that nonsense if they ignore those who suffer every single day. However, yes, if it was meant that “life is perfect” in a negative sense. Because life is a perfect hell, so much so that there is almost no way to find a way out.

“Whatever you do in life never brings you pleasure in the long run, that is, life shows us that nothing in life is “God” and so we reach out to reconnect with God.”

This statement misses two key points. First, why not just connect with “God” right away? Suffering is completely unnecessary, and no one naturally wants to deal with suffering. Second, even after a person sees that life is absolute hell, life will still not show him the way to freedom, whether it is going beyond the limits of life or enlightenment. In general, it will not give him any reaction.

“You can’t figure out God’s plan. No one can.”

There is absolutely no need to know “God’s plan”. It is enough to look at the results of this plan. Just look at people’s lives. If you honestly observe life, it becomes clear that everyone, without exception, suffers regularly. Therefore, the conclusion is that God’s plan is to cause suffering. This is true because suffering is completely unnecessary.

“After enlightenment you will be amazed by the depth of the mystery of life.”

There is no mystery in life because everything can be seen as it really is if you look honestly. The only thing that really amazes is the depth of evil and cruelty towards everything in creation.

“Love is the goal.”

This can’t be true because people do this every day, but thousands of years go by and nothing changes.

“Life is a game.”

Life is not a game. Games are meant to allow you to exit them, because games are, by their very nature, meant to be fun. Life has a different purpose, so people’s pain is real.

This post is an attempt to share my thoughts, and here are just the basics, although I could talk about this for a long time. And I realize that I think this is what it really means to be a truth seeker, that is, to be willing/ready to see what you don’t want to see. It feels like diving underwater without oxygen equipment. However, it is still important for me to share all of this here, where I started.

4 Likes

Hi, Dima.

Do you cook? No one expects a sweet and sour soup to be all sweet. If it’s too sour for your taste, try adding some sweet to balance out the delicious bouquet of flavors.

I can make a suggestion, but first please believe me that I am absolutely not trying to influence your thinking. I just don’t believe in that way of behaving. I firmly do believe that when you are ready to shift, the stuff you carry which you no longer need will fall away.

Here’s my suggestion for adding some sweet to your bowl of sour.

Stop yourself. Relax. Then relax a little more.

Now try relaxing, and I mean this seriously. The body is by nature always on the move, and so is the mind. So, if you are going to honestly relax, you will have to do deliberately.

Okay, if you choose to do that, then continue reading. No worries if you don’t.

Stop yourself. Stop you forward motion. Go into a neutral space, a place where you can feel your own thoughts and hear your own body, your own being. Settle into yourself now more deeply. Then more deeply. Into your own being.

When you’ve settled down to deeper levels, then try this.

Take your forward looking vision and turn it around so you can see yourself. In particular, look inside and ask yourself, “What is it I feel behind all the confusion that tells me to go forward? What do I know inside that tells me this is worthwhile?”

Really look for this, Dima. Don’t bluff. Look deeply, because I can sense that you know more than you know about this. Find out what that is.

Probably these are things you have known and forgotten, but now you can know them again–if this is your true desire.

Then relax.

That’s it. Like I said above, I have no desire to aim you in any direction, but I do hope this helps you get to better place, to place that is informed by your own deeper knowing.

I wish you Godspeed.

2 Likes

Okay maybe this goes beyond synchronicity somehow. I was pondering something Jim said from an interview found in The Narrow-Band Beam sharing. Jim suggested his path seems always obvious, but his accomplishments seem a bit unobvious.

Then in pondering an Alchemist words, I pondered the idea that alchemy can bring light to paradox, and in that light of paradox, can be a sense of arrival. Here seems the attainment of the unobviously obvious.

Another skill of alchemy seems to scale perspective, say from within to without, from small to big, from above and below and possibly from abstract to concrete.

There seems as if a call to create something from nothing. Such creations may have an inflection point, a point where we choose to care. In this choice then, can come an impetus to act, from potential to kinetic the pent up electrons release their charge into photons of light that beneficially commingle, friendly like photon flux love, born from a choice to care.

2 Likes

Dima,

I am surprised… But not…

The interactions I had with you in the past on this forums made me felt like you knew it all. You were so enlightened…

I can’t say that I feel bad about being deceived. Because from where I am looking, it seems like I wasn’t the one that was being deceived.

I applaud you for being raw and vulnerable, and coming forward.

At the same time, this helped me a lot in my journey of trusting my own intuition.

Being impressed upon, or trying to impress another is a path that we all know where it will lead.

This reassured me, my heart is still, and I am experiencing everything you listed here that is “not.”

From where I am, all of it is true and I have no doubt.

Since we are on the Loo and is talking about the Loo. My consistency with the lawofone.info, the original channeling materials of Ra. TREMENDOUSLY helped me and aided me to get to this point.

It was too obvious for me. But yet, I was always poured on by doubts from other-selves, by the “new” and colorful stuff, the superhero and world saving expressions of the special people who are anointed by the “gods.”

Flickering fluorescent light bulb that proclaimed to be my guide.

I was soo… soo Impressed by the altruism and all of it.

Yet, when I looked back at Ra… and the original materials… It never… “impressed” me…

It was a feeling of nostalgia, something I already knew, something familiar that I forgot.

Even to this day, when I look back at the simplicity of the materials, it was perfect, complete. Everything that I needed to know was there.

It was meant it to be to be a light of reassurance. A candle that lit just enough.

Without fear, and without the greed of the mind to seek for more.

There I rested in the light, and it was good.

Perhaps this is not a bad thing, perhaps this is a turning point for you to start turning towards the infinite creator. A moment to celebrate.

much light

1 Like

Why do you judged his bowl of soup to be “sour?”

I see transmutation, I see growth. There is “change” here…

I was at here at one point in this life… Many has…

The answers are soon to come.

I love 2025, it is working so hard already to help others to see.

What a blessing

2 Likes

Soup…

It’s so strange to see you out of your poetic self.

I dig the new style,

1 Like

I love you all, even if others don’t see this as a good thing from their own righteous judgement.

1 Like

I call it that due to the sorrow of it.

May it be so.

2 Likes

That’s interesting, I see it as Sun set…

As an eternal being, do you think we stay in one place indefinitely? Or do we swing between the double helix of creation? How do we know Joy? without Sorrow?

“It will be so.”

1 Like

In such instances, I find it helpful to remind myself of how Christian Sundberg explains how difficult it is for us to accept the veil before an incarnation. And of why we would ever want to constrict ourselves so incredibly much in the first place.

How it’s like to accept the veil.

2 Likes

I love that video, thank you Patrick, this was a good reminder for me as well

2 Likes

I thought about my post and realized that I am only human. And I think I put too much on myself. Usually I try to refute my established beliefs in a sense, so as not to stand still. Perhaps now I am focused on what worries me the most, so I see things so negatively, apparently even too much, that it drives me into a state of some depression

I reread some things in my free time, and yet I found some fragments of text, from the book “conversations with god”, and I think it makes sense to put it here

Judge not, then, the karmic path walked by another. Envy not success, nor pity failure, for you know not what is success or failure in the soul’s reckoning. Call not a thing calamity, nor joyous event, until you decide, or witness, how it is used. For is a death a calamity if it saves the lives of thousands? And is a life a joyous event if it has caused nothing but grief? Yet even this you should not judge, but keep always your own counsel, and allow others theirs.

And one more fragment that impressed me

Questioner: Are you saying that I shouldn’t feel bad about the starving children of Africa, the violence and injustice in America, the earthquake that kills hundreds in Brazil?"

There are no “shoulds” or “shouldn’ts” in God’s world. Do what you want to do. Do what reflects you, what re-presents you as a grander version of your Self. If you want to feel bad, feel bad.

But judge not, and neither condemn, for you know not why a thing occurs, nor to what end.

And remember you this: that which you condemn will condemn you, and that which you judge, you will one day become.

Rather, seek to change those things—or support others who are changing those things—which no longer reflect your highest sense of Who You Are.

Yet, bless all—for all is the creation of God, through life living, and that is the highest creation.

And I’m also surprised when you return to some books, and they may have seemed uninteresting to you before, but after time and events, you look at what was said differently

1 Like

I have a fable. A pig in a pigsty eats, drinks, and sleeps every day, unaware that within half a year, it will be slaughtered by the farmer. Yet, the pig remains carefree, at ease, because it does not know that it is a pig, nor does it understand its own situation and fate. It only knows that it will never go hungry, and that is its sole wish. One day, however, due to an unexpected event (perhaps witnessing another pig being slaughtered), this pig gains an awareness beyond that of a typical pig. It begins to contemplate its inevitable fate of being slaughtered, becomes gloomy, refuses to eat or drink, and waits for death in despair and despondency.

I have an imperfect metaphor: many people who have read a vast amount of metaphysical material, in a certain sense, acquire a level of awareness beyond that of a 3D human. It’s like a pig in a pigsty gaining an awareness beyond that of a pig and realizing its own fate. This is an incredibly painful state of being.

I am not ignoring suffering. I am simply discussing this state: when a people gains a broader perspective and awareness, it may acquire more knowledge and wisdom, but it will also experience greater and deeper pain.

Those who open their heart chakras, with the help of imagination and empathy, not only anticipate the pain they might experience in the future, but also become especially sensitive to the suffering of other selves.

This is a personal theory of mine. I try to identify the causes of this pain, hoping to provide you with a different perspective in some way.

I love this and your perceptions!!! I am going through suffering, as we speak from losing my last family member all lost at a young age. You said games are supposed to be fun, but let’s look at a box of 100 piece puzzle. The first box of your life represents your evolution through the pieces in it. It is the information you acquired through Life.As you graduate through life and evolve, the boxes of puzzles are all new and increase in pieces. So your first box in your life, mine happened to be my brother’s death at a very young age, that box was about 100 pieces. My second box with my mom and dad, both dying at a young age those boxes ranged In size of 1000 to 2000 pieces per box. Some of the pieces of the puzzle from previous boxes get negated in the newer puzzles however, some of them get to join the new and improved puzzles. This is where you understand belief systems, and your role within it. The box that I’m in right now maybe my last box I don’t know however my Evolution through these boxes led me to understand something in this last box. Everything on this earth/or existence is neutral. The biggest lie we tell ourselves as that events in our life have meaning. The matter based life forms that we are experiencing that appear to have meaning really don’t, outside of our thoughts. The example I would give is our corporeal bodies; our loved ones bodies our animals bodies anything of the material world that we could give meaning to. Through all my boxes of puzzles, the best I have now as the answer to existentialism, and of course it could change tomorrow because it’s all a perception, is that we are all God, and that in order to have this experience, we had to create matter or a matter based world in appearances. In order to have an experience, we need the idea that we are all separated when in fact, we are all one. This need of separation is which generates the experiences. The question might be that seems pretty neutral? Where and when does the suffering come along? What I’ve learned is that it’s through belief systems. As a human, as we grow we desire, purpose and relevance and hear is the key. In order to not suffer, you first have to understand and feel and create a system by which everything material or mental is neutral; you give everything in this existence IT’S meaning. There is no God outside of us, and there are no forces outside of us committing atrocities, joy or elation. There is no causality except for yourself. You are the cause you are the correlation and you are the catalyst. This is because you give everything Meaning; whether you are experiencing a violent rape or winning a lottery, to know that you give everything it’s meaning and know that there’s a possibility that you can neutralize it. You may not be able at this point to neutralize it, but just to know the possibility gives rise for it to happen. Take any emotion or feeling that you could possibly have an understand that the experience of it is what we’re here for. By understanding that you give all things it’s special meaning to have an experience you can then end it by neutralizing it.
I have the perception that we are the God Creator of all things creating the world we see….

1 Like