Does being awake means that this feeling will never go away?
I started reading The Law of One books a few years ago, and recently the by far most painful event that has ever happened in my life have fully awakened me. It feels strange, words would fail to describe it. Just a deep, profound feeling of being lonely. Even the food I know I’m supposed to eat feels strange now. The consciousness of being in a place that, in my soul, I know I don’t want to be any longer.
I found myself going back to the books to review the answers I remember are about this topic, and ran across this one:
“Due to the extreme variance between the vibratory distortions of third density and those of the more dense densities, if you will, Wanderers have as a general rule some form of handicap, difficulty, or feeling of alienation which is severe. The most common of these difficulties are alienation, the reaction against the planetary vibration […]”
The Law of One, Book I, Session 12, p.136
Then I remembered that I read somewhere on the LL Research website that there were a sort of community where wanderers would gather, which brought me to this forum.
Does anyone feel the same way, or faced similar difficulties after being awake?
I feel you. It took me about 5 years before being able to ground myself back into a “normal” everyday life. Then another 5 years before I felt really joyful to be having this current life experience on this planet at this time.
Here are a couple quotes that might be of interest to you.
Awakening seems to have several levels. Very painful experiences often cause a jump into a state like you describe: One feels clear and awake but at the same time completely disconnected.
The greatest pain is usually the loss of something we deeply love. At the same time, love is… letting go! So for me, loving is always related to pain. With pain but not with suffering! Suffering is (only) the result of resistance (to let go). Not fearing the pain has always allowed me to simply say “yes”, to simply love. After you have given yourself your full time to grieve, I am sure you will begin to reconnected: with your body, environment and with the beings you are bonded in love.
The world for me is more and more a big play, a big drama. Co-created by all participants. I don’t take it very seriously anymore… I am convinced that each individual experiences what they wants/must experience to be able to learn their individual lession and perform their personal service. That no one suffers or dies without his (unconscious) consent or the consent of his higher self.
My will to love all beings on earth also means the abandonment of wanting to take their pain and suffering from them… to endure it, compassionately in deep love and fait for everyone and everything.
This does not always work out… but it does for you!
@Reinhard Perhaps despite of feeling ‘fully’ awake, I’m not quite there yet since I feel disconnected, like you mentioned. That is the precise reason why I came to this forum: I want to know if there is anything beyond my agony.
Love is the only feeling that can touch the depths of one’s true self. The storm that can sink the heaviest of the ships, for it has no purpose other than fulfilling it’s own. The light that shines despite all perceived darkness, the force that acts upon all existence. Against such force there can be no resistance, just acceptance.
I don’t fear the pain, I rather embrace it as use it as catalyst in my daily, mundane activities as well as on my spiritual development. I’ve had enough pain in my life to realize that it’s just a mean to an end, and as such, must never be pushed back.
However, how to let go of someone you deeply love without feeling disconnected? Isn’t the essence of love the feeling of unity? There lies the despair: to know that you need to detach from who you love, knowing that the very person you must detach from is part of yourself.
This detachment as form of self-protection is the precise cause of my suffering. I can’t detach from just one person without detaching from everything, and everyone. I feel alone walking the halls of humanity, surrounded by insane people, forced to let go of the one soul that brought light into this darkness.
to answer your question directly, from my point of experience: yes, there is something beyond your agony… it is also called love! But now, at this moment, this love is not yet feelable. Now this loss may feel like dying! And since there is nothing to speed up this process of purification of love, I would love to share some insights that have helped me at this very moment in my life.
I was confused by the depth of my desire for her not to go. I wanted it so much I was ready to die… trying everything humanly possible. At the same time I had to acknowledge that the movement in her soul to go, was unstoppable!
I asked myself: “Is my wish for her to stay with me really love? Who am I to oppose the movement of this person’s soul? The person in this world whom I love most deeply and long for most?”
My love for this wonderful woman became still, very very still. She wants nothing more, she desires nothing more… not even to be seen. Yet… this love is the deepest and purest love I have been able to experience so far.
I hope I may reply you to help to resolve the seeming contradiction to my opinion. If you truly love someone isn’t it the best possible thing to see him happy? And being happy is to get what desired is. So if the beloved one gets what he wants it’s the best way to love him. You may ask “but what about me?”, but it’s not about love to him, it’s about love to yourself. So you may say “So I have to choose between love to another one and love to myself”. It’s true, but I may ask “Do you really think you will love yourself if who you love does not get what he wants? Will you be happy to see him unhappy?”. I think that’s not possible to archive, but instead you will love yourself also, seeing happy another one. So you don’t need to detach at all. Do you think physical distance makes love less? If yes that should be physical love but not the spiritual one. So does it make any difference in which point of the space he is? So the part of yourself is always near you.
81.23Questioner: Just… it’s unimportant, but just roughly how many other of these galaxies has Ra, shall we say, traveled to?
Ra: I am Ra. We have opened our hearts in radiation of love to the entire creation. Approximately 90 percent of the creation is at some level aware of the sending and able to reply. All of the infinite Logoi are one in the consciousness of love. This is the type of contact which we enjoy rather than travel.
When I was younger, I grappled with feelings of loneliness. Various personal barriers kept me isolated, even though I genuinely craved companionship. People often viewed me as an outsider, failing to grasp the struggles I faced internally.
To combat this, I adopted several strategies to encourage personal growth:
Recognizing my tendency to distance myself from others stemmed from fear, the antithesis of love. Offering kindness in ways that felt manageable for me. By extending small gestures of goodwill directly from me to someone else, I acted from a place of genuine service. Such actions can initiate a cycle of positivity; what you offer the Universe often comes back to you. As I showed kindness, I noticed people becoming more inclined to engage with me (for at least several reasons).
Cultivating a robust inner compass guided by my sense of a Creator, Higher Self, or Best Self. This provided me with the strength to detach from external distractions and chaos, allowing me to remain true to myself and find inner peace. While it’s crucial to be aware and accepting of one’s environment, maintaining an attitude of not being overly affected by external opinions is equally important.
Another option I briefly explored was seeking professional help. I managed to navigate many challenges independently, but I recognize that consulting a psychologist could have made things easier. I believe a competent psychologist can aid in the development and functioning of the primary three centers, paving the way for deeper work spanning from the green to violet centers. Regarding psychological or psychiatric intervention, I’m skeptical of relying on medications. They often address symptoms rather than root causes, potentially numbing the individual. I think medication should be reserved for exceptional circumstances, always under a doctor’s guidance.
In the context of spiritual teachings, recognizing a sense of Oneness with others is crucial. If we are all interconnected, then why should we isolate ourselves or remain alone? Most often, it doesn’t logically follow, unless in extreme circumstances where our physical well-being is at stake. Viewing others as another manifestation of our own ‘self’, and seeing ourselves in the same light with respect to everyone we encounter, can greatly alleviate feelings of loneliness and fear before others.
Those of Ra spend a bit of time discussing how events in our life, typically sorrowful ones, serve as catalyst, so the way I see it is your journey validates this idea.
I do not know that I am “awake” but have had my own profound set of experiences leading to a remembrance of sorts. Pre and post remembrance a persistent nagging loneliness and unsettled feeling remains with being here (even as I write this I am experiencing what seems like an eternal longing for home). I am a wanderer that sees the madness, so seeing it in this way has come with some resistance towards acceptance.
My suspicion is that these things serve to keep our feet on the ground. The way I am coming to see it is that this “otherness” that I feel sets me up to fail or succeed. If I relate with it in such a way, as I have in the past, that comes with the disdain of the madness, well, as you can imagine you get back what you put in – my aversion towards the collective consciousness increases or sustains this painful otherness.
Instead, if I recognize that my otherness is something I dawned on as a drawback of service to others, well, the strangeness is far more natural and promotes a natural seeking and affinity for community – wherever it can be found. And to be perfectly honest with you this is a very recent insight for myself.
I think if we were to more fully realize who we were as wanderers without the gifts of humility I’m afraid we would be of more service to dirt than we would be to our newfound family here.
It’s just a hunch.
Regardless of if you agree with my reflections or not, I do strongly recommend evaluating it from the perspective of your relationship with it. It is less “it is so” and more so the motions, commentaries and creations of the mind.
With your permission: your description of awakening and loneliness is part of the process. You confront the Veil of Forgetting in this self-described isolation. This sense of separation is, of course, ILLUSION based on feeling that you’re cut off from others, even the world, maybe even the unbearable and unrelenting glare of the Creator’s exquisite love.
One of the important messages to take from the Law of One is unity with all things. We are all connection in more ways than we can possibly imagine. Here’s one:
Take a deep breath. Scientists have calculated that some molecules of air are almost certainly the same as those once breathed by your loved ones, your ancestors, and your heroes.
Your departed loves are no longer under the Veil. They are closer to you than your own hand and can see you better than you can see yourself.
Thank you for recommending the breathwork. Proper breathing can indeed yield positive outcomes for almost any situation. The quote I’m about to share is from a channeling by Q’uo, highlighting the absorption of the plenum (in breath) as the fundamental essence harboring the potential for life.
The power and latent potential of breath can confer numerous benefits. There was a time when I practiced inhaling everything and everyone around me, as though I was embracing all of existence within myself. This had a beneficial psychological impact on me.
Let us now gaze at the concept of prana or breath. Your creation and mine is a plenum, a vast infinity completely full of that light which is life itself in first manifestation. To breathe this prana-filled plenum of air is to breathe in oneself the primal love of the Creator. To exhale is to exhale all that within which is to be eschewed, eliminated and cast away. Other organs do this for the solid food and drink which entities upon your planet enjoy. The careful, intentional breathing, on the other hand, deals with catching up the stress and stale thought, the tired emotion and keen sorrow of the day.
Thus, to breathe is to inhale life itself; to exhale is to deliver oneself of the past, so that always it is an helpful exercise to breathe intentionally, taking great draughts of life-filled prana into the lungs, into every cell of the body, and then with every hope bent towards the successful completion of this exercise, to breathe out all those dark and stale experiences of the day, with each breath gaining in light and being lifted up from the darkness created within one’s own heart, emotions, mind, spirit. November 29, 1987 - Sunday meditation - L/L Research
I would suggest getting in touch with your higher self and, if you can, social memory complex. Due to the law of confusion, the ways they will communicate and interact are obtuse, but the emotional support can be extreme.
Thanks for sharing. This idea reminds me
of some sort of progression that involved
yearning to be with a beloved but for whatever
reason, not being able to be together. This
might be like a distance relationship many
people engage in and I almost feel as if
there’s some subconscious plan to do
some degree of this kind of work.
Yes, yearning as work that requires focus
and some means of coping which may
be a myriad of expressions. However
the result of the work can manifest a sort
of Auric skill of extension beyond conventional
ideas of space and distance. In fact this
may be a key to traveling by light body -
an ability to yearn as an immense desire
that folds spacetime.
On more advanced levels - it might relate
to remote viewing or distance healing and
well, things like intelligent infinity, Akashic
records, etc. I think loneliness may be an
underrated element of spiritual practice.
I see it this way that on the higher, positive density levels from 4 and above, everyone is connected in one way or another and is very aware of this connection. So, there’s simply no loneliness there. Loneliness is only present in the 3rd Density.
Since on the higher levels where unity is entirely natural, there’s no way to “exercise the muscles” of the soul to be closer to someone because there’s no resistance there that would hinder that closeness.
For example a Wanderer, must be born into the 3rd Density to experience this loneliness and learn how to overcome it. I believe that it’s a conscious choice of the soul at the 6th Density level to incarnate into a physical body with specific genetic predispositions, temperament, and in such a family with particular experiences during our nurturing to make us loners.
This allows the opportunity to experience that loneliness and exercise the “muscles” of the soul to emerge from that solitude.