Hello everyone. Finally coming here to post after lurking for a while and knowing of this information for even longer. I have had quite a journey throughout this life, and although it has been messy, I’m grateful for being here today to share with you.
My first awakening came with a hit of acid when I was 20, which turned me from a hardcore atheist (a reaction to my toxic family and my Christian beliefs growing up) into a hardcore esoteric astrologer. Although the awakening happened, my bad habits did not end. I drank a LOT, smoked weed (still do, but not nearly as much), and had many tumultuous relationships where I was impulsively verbally abusive when things got painful for me. I had many gains of insight all through this time (I assume I have helpful sources from beyond this plane, because I often remark that I never felt that I “earned” any of this knowledge), but until a current relationship that drove me to quit alcohol altogether, I hadn’t been able to act responsibly within 3rd density social structures. I still have a ways to go in this regard, as I struggle with C-PTSD from all the generational abuse passed down to me psychically, as well as the intense abuse I suffered greatly through my early childhood and some of my adolescence.
I recently have come across much self-hatred for all the mean stuff I’ve said in moments of rage to exes and a few friends throughout the years, and my current projects are to start being more responsible with my resources both material and energetic, and face myself, my past, my memories, and the consequences of my reckless living and process all the feeling and mental content around it.
I sometimes feel weird saying that I am a Wanderer, because my life has in some respects been an absolute wreck, but it seems that 6th density work in 3rd density is going to be much more down-to-earth “human” in the sense that 6th density is the point where both paths must be seen as one in the ultimate expression of love/light from the Creator. Thus, an acceptance of our negativity, falsity, pain, darkness, shadow, and our ability to hold ourselves as worthy (a keynote of the brow) despite our past mistakes, and thereby also lend our compassion to those who struggle in similar ways, would be a potential curriculum for 6th density balancing. I also sometimes wonder if I got trapped on Earth for some amount of incarnations due to switching to negative polarity temporarily, as based on my current life karma it could be seen that way. Or perhaps I was a negative entity from 4th through early 6th, where now I am switching sides? I don’t know, but I am welcoming everyone’s thoughts on this.
A bit about me. I live by the Northern Front Range of Colorado, and in terms of esoteric practice and self-discipline am currently working on the more material aspects of my life (as I have always generally avoiding materiality due to the discomfort of doing so) while also honing a largely Theosophically-based astrology system that has syncretic elements that in the coming years I wish to share with everyone and create a business offering services, books, ritual practices, and classes on integrating the self through study of astrological archetypes and embodying them in various ways, including music, drama, ritual, study, and meditation.
I enjoy the nature, rivers, mountains, and forests around here, I enjoy speaking to others about various topics, I am a musician that is very recently becoming active again, and I am dating a woman I feel lucky to have met. She has a young daughter from a previous marriage that I love dearly and hope to watch her grow and help guide her gently in a positive direction.
Thanks for reading, I look forward to any replies 
