It has been said that there is no inherent meaning in life until we give it meaning.
If each individual gives life and the experiences within life “meaning” does it really mean anything if it’s not a mass agreement of meaning?
What if this entire reality we live in is a simulation, a game if you will. Every action that I perform out of service to others, because I find value in serving others, does any of that even have lasting “meaning”?
When I wake up in non-physical after I give up my physical body and realize that everything I was dedicated to, everything I had given up in service to others, all the discipline to be healthy so I could serve others and feel good, all the times I spent meditating and in my spiritual practices… if I then see that it was all a simulated game of sorts, won’t that strip ALL meaning I’d given it?
Does anything I do have a lasting impact on anything at all? Any lasting “meaning”?
If I spend the rest of my life dedicated to spiritual practices and discipline to allow Love and Light to move through me in a more “pure”, unfiltered, unhindered way so that I can serve others and help them ascend, will it mean anything in the grand scheme of things? Will it mean anything in non-physical?
I’m personally comfortable with the idea that there are other levels of existence beyond our own, but realise that the only way many people can conceptualise this is in terms of a “simulation”.
It would have been impossible in the 1970s for the simulation theory to become popular, by the way, because few people would have ever seen a computer. Human beings tend to map things from one context in which they are familiar on to another in which we are not. And the idea that we live in a simulation is fashionable at the moment primarily because we are all familiar with computers.
But the connotations that we transpose need not apply.
For example, with the idea of simulation comes the notion that we are nothing more than NPCs in some game running on a PC in God’s bedroom. I don’t think it would be like that all. I think our life has purpose and meaning that endures after ward.
Personally I believe there is just as much ‘meaning’ to doing your daily chores as there would be saving someone’s life. My brother you are the creator. YOU have created this simulation in order to play it. However you choose to play it is down to you.
There are no mistakes. All is well.
The meaning is simply to experience it. You are infinite and go on forever. This is but one level of an infinite game you designed and it is beautiful. Look around you brother. Breathe it in. Feel the wind on your face. Feel the touch on your skin. Taste the fruits of your labour.
You made this. You made it so as you could forget who you were in order to truly know who you are. Infinity is a difficult concept for most to get their head around but you made this creation/simulation and took away all of you abilities and knowledge before playing because you know all games are best played on difficult mode.
Whether you choose the spiritual path, to serve yourself or to serve others. We all will eventually end up at the same place we came from, bathed in the infinite love and light of the creator. Which is you. So take it easy on yourself and easy on others. And surrender to the faith that all that is occurring is all that is supposed to occur. There is no other way for there is only your way. And whatever way you decide to walk will inevitably lead you home either way.
We are eternal thoughts… learning, growing, evolving and gaining more light, love and wisdom along the way.
The expanded perspective: everything is inherently, objectively meaningful. Every grain of sand, gust of wind, thought, action, and experience. If it exists, it is part of all that is, therefore all that is would not be all that is without it.
The zoomed in, practical perspective: you, by your free will, choose how much subjective meaning to give things. If being an artist, experiencing love with a romantic partner, or some other thing is subjectively more meaningful to you than such “grandiose” things as rapid polarization, the harvest, “saving the world”, etc., then so be it. Don’t let anyone tell you your priorities are backwards.
I was going to say something along the lines on glimpsing intelligent infinity…but quickly realized that would mean there is only a narrow way in which to do so. If you are truly passionate about something and present with it, you will be in the moment and outside of linear time and capable of getting that glimpse.
The physical and non-physical are one. They are consciousness. They interrelate and affect one another, so what takes place in one definitely matters in the other.
Moving towards your personal highest excitement is literally the essence of the authentic spiritual path; not following some doctrine because you believe that it will lead to efficient spiritual progress. People who are authentically STO are so because they have inherent empathy and it feels good to them to help others and lift them up, not because they are simply doing math and laboring studiously towards “making the cut”.
I think that I might have some kind of mental block that makes me think that following my joy will lead to destruction. I grew up in a very religious setting that taught that our hearts are “deceitfully wicked” and cannot be trusted.
So for me, I pick apart everything that I do, asking myself if it lines up with integrity and honesty and service to others…and if it doesn’t, I almost always stop doing it. Which has led me to live a pretty discontent life with very little happiness/joy in general.
Everything in my life has been about some kind of “higher” purpose…and if I can’t find one intellectually or logically, or if it at all egoic, I begin to get all screwed up in the head.
All of your responses gave me pause to consider and I appreciate the feedback.
Perhaps I am looking to know how I can REALLY KNOW that following my joy will lead to feeling like life has meaning???
I can’t guarantee you anything. Nobody else can. I know how it is to feel a lack of meaning. What I can tell you is that you probably won’t find it by listening to what some doctrine and/or authority tells you is important. Following your own excitement is the main thing to lead you in the right direction, but you might have other obstacles that might not be so simple to clear up. There is an existential aspect of the red ray that may be blocked. Fundamental drive and purpose. Feeling alive existentially.
The one element of truth I can see in your personal skepticism and in that religious mumbo jumbo is that you must learn to tell the difference between desires that come from shallow impulses and those of the heart. There are certain “wants” we may experience that don’t reflect our true joy. Seeking shallow and/or unhealthy things. Excess material wealth. Popularity. Power over others. Loveless sex. Substance addictions. Those are some examples.
Recognizing the folly of the religious indoctrination you were exposed to is a step in the right direction. The subsequent step is not to carry those same dogmas into your personal spiritual path and way of living.
Being discontent with your own life and arbitrarily denying yourself happiness will actually hinder your ability to be of service to others. For one, the serving is more pure and more effective if it comes from the heart rather than a feeling of duty and obligation. Another thing is teaching by relation/example. It’s hard to help others find joy and live a better quality of life if you don’t do that yourself.
Martyrdom tends to set a pattern that often begets more martyrdom. Is that what you wish to teach by example? What you wish to ask of others whom you serve? Or do you want them to be happy?
This is triggering to me for some reason.
Please bear with me as I explore a little to find the source.
I am feeling some disappointment…as if by what you are saying there IS some kind of personal path that I am “supposed” to be following, but I can’t see it and so I’m right back to where I started.
By saying “shallow impulses” does that imply that someone, even our higher self is disappointed in our choosing shallow things? And if we choose shallow things, are we contributing to darkness? I get really concerned that I am disappointing someone or some plan for me if I am not disciplined enough.
I understand this in part…
But to what extent?
Can I indulge in a piece of chocolate on occasion even though I know intellectually it’s not the healthiest option? Can I have a glass of wine on occasion even though that is not necessarily healthy either? If I deem something unhealthy or destructive in any way, wouldn’t doing it in any capacity be a shallow impulse?
This is where I get tripped up because I always want to be living the most pure, even though I fail.
I do not seek wealth, or popularity or power. I do not have loveless sex and I am not addicted to anything…at least that I am aware of…I do not over eat or have a sedentary life I do not treat people poorly or override the free will of others.
BUT - Some of my desires do have a background sense of my needing to feel important, special or unique. I may still honestly enjoy these things aside from that, but if I were told that I would never get any external validation for them or be able to share them with others, I know I would be disappointed. I might not stop following that desire all together, but the drive to do it as often or as quickly would certainly be diminished.
And so, this makes me wonder…
Do we not all want to feel important, special or unique in some way? Is that not part of what causes us to follow our desires? I like seeing the look on people’s faces when what I serve them with helps in some way. I like hearing that I made a difference in their life. I like feeling like what I do is unique and is not found everywhere…but does that drive me?
I don’t know…
Which is the reason for this post.
I feel like if I stop doing these things that I think I desire because they are attached to (even in a very minimal way) wanting to feel important, special, or unique, that my life will lose meaning.
I feel like just following my true desires will cause me to become irrelevant.
I can see the wisdom in this.
There is a bit of fear underneath this for me. What if I find that in following my TRUE desires, I don’t actually end up serving people in the way that I have been? In a non-important, non-special, otherwise ordinary way and I will fade in the background and become nobody.
AND martyrdom as a result of dedication and discipline feels like “the higher road” …perhaps pushed on me from religion of culture…not sure.
This is going to take a lot of thought to address, and this reply will be long. I have the time and the desire to serve. I’ll start by addressing the “elephant in the room”, the core of your issues. You don’t even really know who YOU are as a person. You don’t know what you really want. You have been taught not to think and feel for yourself. An example of how this is evident to me is that you have trouble even discerning for yourself what to deem shallow and what to deem important for your personal path. Such a distortion puts you at risk for falling into some very deleterious pitfalls along your spiritual path, but the fact that you are aware that something there isn’t working for you and that you are sharing and asking these questions indicates a lot of wisdom and a big step in the right direction, and therefore you have the potential to avoid wasting time and learning some costly lessons.
In the grand scheme of things, that wouldn’t even truly be a waste, but from the perspective of the limited time of your incarnation, and within that framework the perspectives of desiring to both optimize your spiritual path and learning AND to experience happiness in your current lifetime, it could be seen as such. And there, my friend, is an example of paradox. That will be a recurring theme in what I am sharing with you here. You would do well to learn to integrate and reconcile paradox.
After what you have shared, I can expand more on the topic of existential blockage in the red ray (and subsequent blockage in the orange ray). What I said above about not knowing who you are and what you want as a person seems to be the major cause of your lack of meaning. Remember what I said about everything having inherent, objective meaning, and all that is not being all that is without each thing? You are not serving intelligent infinity well by discarding your own individuated selfhood. That selfhood is both a gift to you from intelligent infinity, and a gift from you to intelligent infinity, because all that is would not be all that is without that individuated person who is YOU. Perhaps you can see the paradox in that as well?
What you said about wishing others to be happy above all else, is what you would do well to also apply to yourself. The “golden rule” of “do unto others” goes both ways. You should treat yourself with the same concern and kindness that you treat others with.
Alright. Now this “being nobody” thing. First off, I’ll say that it’s normal and valid to want to be recognized for your uniqueness and individual gifts. It feels good to appreciate that in others, and it feels good for others to appreciate you in the same way. That’s a normal part of interconnectedness. The balance is that you should not solely require validation from others to feel important. There is a lack of purity in recognition being the main thing that makes STO feel good and rewarding for someone.
This drive towards wanting to be unique…well, once again, a lot of paradox. From what I can see, it’s the way your need to actually know who you are and what you want as a person coming to the surface. Nothing is unique. Everything is unique. You be unique by being yourself, not by simply exhibiting traits that others find rare and unique. Part of this is actually tied to a very 3d idea of scarcity. Things on Earth are often assigned value based on how rare and/or difficult to attain they are, but in the grand scheme of things, nothing is actually rare, because it’s all the same substance taking on different forms. So, sure, value rarity and uniqueness for what they are worth, but don’t assign value based solely on that. Your individual experience of even some of the most “common” things in life will be inherently unique.
Now, concerning difficulty of attainment…something hard won isn’t inherently worth more than something that comes to you rather effortlessly (that is a very 3d mindset), so if and when you receive something very valuable rather effortlessly in life, don’t take it for granted. Some things that require a lot of effort to attain might give you a lot of depth and joy, and in that case, the struggle will feel like part of the reward. On the other hand, some things that are demanding and difficult to attain might not give you the same depth and joy of other things that come to you easily.
So, back more directly to the “nobody” thing. People with high levels of awareness look at mainstream human society, and see those who conform to shallow pursuits encouraged by that society (boring jobs, consumer culture, status symbols, conformist ways of thinking, mainstream religion, lack of deep spirituality, etc.) and tend to see such people imposing this seeming status of being “nobodies” on themselves. There is some truth in that idea.
I started to see that from a very young age, and felt a lack of purpose. I often wished my life was like an anime fantasy of space opera Sci-Fi (never mind the crazy amount of stress and trauma actually involved with fighting huge wars of “light and darkness” and whatnot!). I thought…now there is meaning. There is purpose. There is being “somebody”. I thought that excitement and meaning were largely based on such grandiosity. That translates to concepts we find on the path related to spirituality, “starseeds/wanderers” etc. to themes like light and darkness battles, planetary ascension, saving the world, grand cycles, harvests, astral travel, peak enlightenment experiences, etc.
Guess what? In the grand scheme of things, that stuff is just as routine as anything else. Been there, done that in other lives. Having a deep and rewarding relationship with ourselves and having deep and rewarding relationships with others is highly relevant whether we are on Earth or fighting space battles. Experiencing the loving embrace of an ideal mate is just as relevant as saving a planet from millennia of tyranny. From the perspective of timelessness, civilizations rise and fall in basically the same “blink of an eye” as a single human lifetime goes by. Following your true desires is what will make you feel relevant.
The pursuit of relevance through perceived importance and grandiosity as opposed to what you truly want is just as inauthentic as being on the mundane “matrix” grind. It’s another cleverly disguised road to being, as you say, a “nobody”.
Now I will address the idea of not being able to serve others as effectively by fulfilling your own desires. I have issues that come from knowing what my desires are, but often feeling like they are out of reach…however, I know who I am and what I want…and if I did not feel like focusing on that were important, would I be able to know myself well enough to even attempt to help you in the way that I’m doing?
There is more I could and would like to say after I give you some time to process what I’ve written here and perhaps respond.
Your feelings of awkwardness are just a little bit heartbreaking, AAR. I wish you much endurance as you plod your way through the challenges set out for you.
The questions you ask yourself are very good, and that fact indicates that you’re doing well on your path, I would suggest, but it feels like you have no place to rest, nowhere even to sit down and relax for awhile. It feels to me that that’s what you could focus on for a little while. “Where in all these wandering thoughts could I truly rest for a little while?” “What do I trust to buoy me up, or even to carry me for a time?”
You are seeking the light within the muddied darkness (which is as far within yourself as you can see). What internal resources support you there? What elements of self have given you the strength and courage to get this far? Essentially, what has been carrying you to bring you this far along?
Mirror is right about the relaxing part. You’d do well to give yourself a break and be gentle and patient with your process. It’s helpful to take things bit by bit and avoid overthinking. Sometimes, overthinking can lead to confusion while giving the subconscious time to process things can lead to insights and clarity.
And yes, the fact that you moved forward from a religious background and the fact that you are asking yourself these questions means that you do indeed have some good internal resources.
There is definitely such a thing as over thinking. One thing I constantly try to remind myself is that the density we currently reside in is not for understanding. But simply to make the choice.
Choose whether you want to love and serve others or love and serve yourself.
The required level for graduation to the next density of 4th density positive is 51% service to others and 49% service to self. You are not expected to reach higher than 51% and you I’m relatively sure you are not encouraged to.
As long as you are loving/serving/forgiving other selves 51% of the time you are more than ok to love/serve/forgive yourself the rest of the time. The paradox is that it’s impossible to love others until you love yourself. And then eventually even the service to self path proves it’s impossible to love yourself fully without loving others also. Because all are one.
From my personal experience I find daily meditations, occasional and intentional usage of plant medicines and attempting to hold love in your heart, as well as actually WANTING to help others, are some of the easiest ways to achieve this higher vibratory state of consciousness. And I’ve found wanting to help and love others comes more naturally from when you also regularly love and serve yourself.
Jesus did not say treat others as you wish to be treated because he thought it would be nice. He said it because he knew that how you treat other selves is exactly how you are treating yourself.
When you try to better understand the unity of everything, you better understand that helping and loving others, is just the same as helping and loving yourself.
The universe will give you back what you give because you are the universe.
Your existence is a reflection of your higher consciousness.
A vibratory simulation as described by many ancient religions and new age scientists.
A ‘game’ designed by yourself in which to better know yourself.
Have faith, never fear and surrender to the truth that all is unity and we will all go on forever. Together. As one.
Another way to look at it might be that you are the meaning. It’s not something outside of you that you are imposing or that is being imposed. You are the point. The heart of existence is you, as you are. Your value is inherent not earned.
The only other thing I’ll say, because you’ve been given a lot of good support and insight here to injest, is that the effects of religious indoctrination from a young age are no joke. I empathize deeply. Internalizing shame in childhood is a son of a bitch. Not being able to trust yourself is not having a foundation to build on. It’s a slow rebuilding process in adulthood. But the silver lining is, it’s yours to build.
I’ll reiterate that it comes from the heart, just like anything else that gives one meaning. It’s good to be wary of distortions in motivations. The main right-brained emotional one has to do with receiving praise and/or recognition, and the main left-brained logical one has to do with “making the grade” in terms of polarity.
Nobody is awful for experiencing those distortions to some degree, but it’s helpful to look at how much those play a role in motivation to serve others vs how much of that motivation is simply derived from love and empathy.
Black Dragon, I VERY much appreciate the time you have taken with your response. It has been most helpful as I have marinated in what you said for a while to take it in. There are some further comments/questions if you don’t mind. I really want to feel like I am grasping everything that has been said so I don’t misunderstand. And I REALLY want to be done with this tangled mess in my head.
You are correct.
I did not leave the religion I was born into until I was 32 years old. I am aware of many of the harmful beliefs I picked up along the way, and while I can still see that these beliefs have caused me not to trust myself, or even enjoy life, I recognize that they still affect my choices, just through a different lens.
How do I even get to know myself?
Thank you. The word paradox has been showing up in my life for a number of months now and I am leaning into it whenever I become aware of something that is paradoxical.
This is very challenging for me.
I am aware of some religious beliefs that have caused me to make choices that put others first in all aspects of life and that I should always tend to my own needs and wants last. I have gotten better in some ways, but I am always feeling “not good enough”. I feel very guilty for sitting down to watch a movie. It doesn’t serve anyone else. I don’t even know if it serves me…if I think about it like a waste of time when I could be spending it helping someone else, cleaning the house or doing some kind of spiritual work to evolve myself more. Is it okay to enjoy a “guilty pleasure” like a movie or ice cream from time to time even if it is not the highest path or most beneficial?
It is very difficult for me to know, as I mentioned, the difference between self-care/kindness and shallow desires.
I am not currently aware of anything I do that’s MAIN thing is seeking recognition…but that it is in there in some way, even if I do honestly enjoy what I am doing. I guess I just want to know if I am doing life “right”…and the only way I have been able to guess if I am, is to get feedback from other people that how I serve them is helpful and meaningful.
If I were to rely just on my feeling of joy in each action, I have a sense of doubt and concern that I am being selfish because if I am the only one enjoying what I do, what is the point of it?
I am not sure I follow this…
Do you mean that my desire to wanting to be unique is helping me understand who I am?
As far as I can tell, I don’t seek to do things because I am an egotistical, prideful or self-centered person…but rather because I want to feel like what I am doing is important. I want to feel honored…but I don’t want to be praised. Does that make sense? Like, I don’t want to stand in front of millions of people and have them worship me or talk highly of me to everyone or treat me like a god or something…that actually makes me recoil inside thinking of it.
But I do have a feeling that if I do things that most everyone can do, what is the point of doing them because they are already being done? Then I become redundant. Something that can be tossed away easily and replaced easily.
My question lately has been, should I even do anything at all if I have some kind of egoic attachment to it?
Example: I began channeling about 9 months ago…completely out of the blue, not seeking it, not trying to do it, not even having an idea that I could do it. I have always been interested in it, which is why I found RA, but never tried to actively pursue it. I mainly do it for friends and family and at a small gathering of people monthly. I do not advertise it. I don’t charge for it. (though I will take donations if people want to give, but I would do it regardless). I don’t post about it on social media or volunteer in conversation that I can even do it. In fact, I have spent considerable amounts of time wondering if my channeling in a small town could affect my 13 year old son’s ability to make friends and have a “normal” life…so I keep it kind of quiet. Word of mouth only.
However, I do feel an internal sense of specialness or uniqueness that I am the only one in our small community who does this. I enjoy this feeling. If more people started channeling here, I would NEVER try to squelch them or speak badly of them and in fact, I would encourage them to follow that path if it felt right to them. STILL - I would feel disappointed about it. I may even stop doing it because I would feel redundant. I would feel like, why would anyone want to hear from me then if someone else is doing it?
In any case, if I feel any of this…is that a sign that I should not be doing it?
Thank you for sharing your experience.
This speaks to me deeply.
I have spent the majority of my 44 years feeling like I have some kind of purpose, but it is always elusive. I have tried sooooo many things over the years, always thinking “Oh! this is my purpose!” only to have it lose its luster or it started feeling “heavy” or not fun, or more like I’m doing it because I feel like I “should”.
Being told that “God has a GREAT and marvelous plan” for my life by numerous prophets and prophetesses and teachers and spiritual people has made me feel like I should be seeking to find purpose that is something BIG. Like becoming an ascended master in this life or like being a portal for my area of the country, saving the world, ultimate self-realization so I can teach many others so I can help end suffering. I have been trying so hard to be dedicated to some kind of magical, majestic spiritual path because of this…and I am exhausted.
Then, when I feel overwhelmed and exhausted and I tell myself to take a break from all of it, something is speaking to me like, “Not for too long! You don’t want to be deceived into laziness and inactivity! There are people who NEED your gifts, you don’t want to let them down do you?!”
And what makes this difficult, is that I do have several unique and useful gifts that have helped people…and so I feel a burden to use them or they will go to waste…or if I do not use them I am being selfish and that some people are waiting for me to help them with my gifts and the longer I hold off the longer they have to suffer.
Conversely, I have many things within my reach to “do”, and yet I am paralyzed by not knowing if they are the “right” thing for me…I have no idea what I want. What is the truest expression of my joy?
I am lost on what enjoyment/joy/desire truly is in its pure form. It always seems to be tainted by wanting to be special or feeling obligated to because people need help
I am absolutely open to whatever else you have to say.
I know that I am long-winded and I hope that you have made it this far…I have been seeking some kind of feeling of “knowing” who I am and what I am doing here for at least 30 years. Actively, wholeheartedly seeking to the point of several mental breakdowns. I’m so tired.
I just want to enjoy life…I want to feel free from this obsessive thinking and just live…part of me is terrified that I will lose my way if I let go and start letting Joy in.
It is encouraging to hear someone say that I am doing well…even though I doubt it because I have been trying to find purpose and meaning and joy and love in my life for so very long and I just feel like I am going around the same mountain again and again.
I am not sure I even know what true rest means…how to let go of the mind’s obsession with wanting to do life “right”…what does trust look like…who do I trust?
From where I stand, you’re sense of your situation is being inflated by your emotions (apprehension). So, you’re going around and around in the same territory. That’s just what we do until we’re ready to move to a different level. There’s nothing “wrong” about it, except that it seems unsatisfying. If that’s what’s right for you at this time, then you might just consider accepting it and letting the emotional response subside.
Again, you are asking good questions.
The answers to these questions are closer to you than your keypad. The obstacle you’re facing is the fear you are holding, layer upon layer. Another good question is, “How may I release these fears?”
The answer is, in very general terms, with faith and love. So, what are these?
I can’t tell you what you love. Obviously, you must discover this yourself. How do you do that? By searching your own heart. How do you do that? By martially your desire to love/serve, gathering your will and moving this desire/will towards what you hold most sacred. In my experience, this is a viable path to self knowledge.
What is faith? Faith is built upon the experience of Divinity one knows in one’s essence. Finding that is the beginning. Faith itself is holding true to that felt-knowledge of Divinity even as one operates in the outer, daily world. Basically, faith is “keeping faith” with your own direct experience of the Divine.
Okay, it’s not easy, but it is, as I mentioned, a viable means of moving beyond the fearful wheel spinning which you are now in the process of outgrowing.
I’m sure there are other helpful pathways out there if you feel this particular one is not well suited to yourself. For my part, this all I can offer.
If each individual gives life and the experiences within life “meaning” it means lives have many meanings. How many? theoretically infinite…
It’s a simulation, the programmer of the simulation fractalized itself to also become the many players experiencing the many aspect of the simulation. Thus the reason why each player is also a co-programmer of the simulation.
The meaning / objective of the player/co-programmer is definitely uniquely different and constantly changing. As that’s the main reason why the programmer created the simulation in the first place. To experience. If each player have the same experience would it not be a ‘boring experience’?
