Love, Light & The Death of Reason - My Spiritual Awakening So Far

Hello fellow spiritual seekers! I come before you today to share a tale of how Love really is the most powerful magic in the universe.

I shared an awakening story once on the old Bring 4th that doesn’t quite resonate with me anymore. After the clarity the last few months has brought to me spiritually, I knew it was time to update my experiences for my own healing as well as for anyone who can learn from the intense and sometimes tragic story that has been my life.

I don’t identify with being a wanderer, but I used to for a whole year of my life so I felt it was appropriate to share this story with others on here because I feel many may resonate deeply with the journey I have taken in my lifetime so far.

These forums are the reason why I figured out as much as I did in my life, so I wanted to express my thanks to those I know and those I hope one day to get to know, for everything you’ve done for me in my life through forum interactions, personal message exchange or one-on-one emails and chats, I appreciate the love and light everyone continues to share with the world.


“ I always found the ones who needed the most love and I gave them all the love I could muster”
Just like my mate/wife, even if she’s physically attracted to me, I think I might be one of her pity cases.

“ Being what most would deem as overly loving, I found that it was an endearing trait as a child, but as I got older, it became weird for me to be so forgiving and loving in other peoples eyes. People didn’t understand why I forgave people for being unkind or unfair and didn’t get why I wanted to be friends with the so-called “weird” kids. I had love and forgiveness for everyone and I didn’t exclude anyone. A lot of people took my kindness as weakness…”
Humans have trouble with difference, puberty involves a lot more sts thinking necessary to secure what the hormones demand in most cases. The veil in terms of past lives and remembering setting up one’s incarnation is apparently much weaker in young

“Almost overnight, the sweet weird kid had no place amongst a bunch of hormone enraged teenagers who would backstab you in a heartbeat to get a smile from some douchebag guy you all have a crush on for some reason. Basically, being a teenage girl is complete chaos. It’s hard to find your place and even more difficult for someone who didn’t understand why everything had to be some game. Friendship was a game, school was a game, love was a game.”
It’s horrible for both genders. Jail can, if viewed right, be a lesser hell than middle school or high school. I would know. Undeveloped prefrontal cortex, lack of belonging equals death in evolutionary past, but no mixed ages to even things out like in tribal society. Vacuous commercial values and popular religion distorted into dogmatic control, us vs them tribalism, and guilt for silly things like masturbation.

“ Most of them manipulated me, lied to me or treated me like a sex object, even as a teenager.”
Online dating… it’s only gotten worse. Tinder, 50 characters, fake photos. Be treated like an object if young and female, have your heart crushed by rejection if not a rich male model. The only winning move is not to play. The atomization of our world continues, lonely, soulless automatons ripe for manipulation and exploitation.

Ah, I’m just getting to the spiritual part and I have to go to bed, but…
I can fool psychiatrists and psychologists into thinking I am one and my psyoactive knowledge far exceeds most of their materialistic dogmas. I will read the rest of your link tomorrow, but if you’d like a grounded, but open minded perspective on anything related to mental health or altered states, feel free to send me a message.

This society is not easy on the truly kind. I’ve only experienced universal love with some interesting aid, but I generally mean well nonetheless. I wonder if different lessons are to be learned choosing to incarnate male or female… testosterone is a hell of a drug. I was somewhat like you before puberty, albeit with a terrible anxiety disorder that made the having friends thing untenable.

Anyway, we certainly need actual love from the 3D denizens of this planet. I’m sorry my species can be disappointing and using to say the least.

Shine on, little light

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No, it truly isn’t. But staying kind anyways is where you show your inner strength. Staying strong and kind no matter how you are treated, not because you are accepting their unloving treatment of you. It’s more that you are recognizing where that response and conditioning comes from and you learn to have more forgiveness for it while it’s happening. Being able to do this while respecting and loving yourself is the best way you can achieve a balance within yourself and within your relationships with others.

Good advice. There are beautiful connections to be made in every interaction you have. You never know where the next conversation may take you in life.

We don’t need these forced social constructs to tell us how we should express love for others, determining what love should look like or telling us what a relationship should or should not look like. It’s all dictated by what our society has told us it should look like. Our society is influenced by energies. Our society has far too many masculine dominated energies running the show. The lack of compassion is palpable in the energy in most interactions in life. Dealing with that, over and over again, drains you like a dead battery. It doesn’t matter if you are sensitive or not, everyone is impacted by this energy.

It has to be reformed in a way that makes more sense. To me, love makes sense. But that definition of love is where no one agrees and there are so many limits and boundaries placed on how that love should be expressed. It makes people insecure.

I had a friend email me yesterday and tell me that he felt all the pain and sorrow around him just as I did, but felt he had to act in a certain way because of how much he cared and the results of being a “dude” made his pain come across as guarded and defensive, which in turn makes him insensitive and rude while trying to navigate these feelings. This is just a repeat of almost every guy I’ve ever spent close time with in my life. They all feel this way. They can’t express themselves in a way that is emotionally fulfilling so it comes out in these hurtful insensitive ways that they don’t mean to express. I forgive them because I understand why it happens. But the fact it happens to everyone is starting to seem a very prominent pattern in my life for a reason. I just want to help them heal. I was always so much closer to men in my life than woman and I have a lot of very close friends whom I’d love to see be set free from the stigma of having to be tough all the time. Their hearts are so beautiful and there isn’t anything wrong with that. Love doesn’t care how “manly” you are being. It just loves you. It needs no other reason.

I’m always up to talking with anyone about these topics. Feel free to message any time if you’d like to discuss more. Especially once you finish reading my blog, I’d love to hear your thoughts on plant medicine for healing.

Despite a lifetime of disappointments, I still love guys and vibe with their energy far more than with women. Their energy is the best when it’s in balance. It’s like a warm hug for me to be around them. It always brought me a lot of comfort.

I just wish they weren’t so uplight all the time and smiled more. My guy friends always seem so serious these days. It feels like there is a collective change in masculine energies right now. A lot of changes and transformations happening all around me.

I always found singers who performed songs about deep, intense and painful emotions always drew me to them like a moth to the flame because I always have felt the way they expressed themselves emotionally through song gave them a freedom that was missing from most of the men I’ve personally known in my life. Most feel this repression in how they express themselves, like they are always holding back from how they actually feel inside and you can feel that “block” or tensions in their energy when you interact with them. It feels like they locked their innocent nature away when they hit puberty because they were expected to out into the world and “be a man.” There is expectations placed upon both genders in unfair ways, all because I believe our society is lacking in love.

Musicians who sing powerful, intense lyrics feel so energetically free to get those feelings off their chest. That is why intense music that might stress someone else out always makes me feel peaceful. I can feel how freeing it actually is to express yourself. Once we learn to stop judging ourselves, we can stop judging others and just let people express love without trying to limit them or act like love is a bad thing to be expressing. Thinking love is anything but a good thing is where we go wrong as a whole in society I believe.

Thank you for taking a look at my story so far, I appreciate the feedback greatly.


I’m sorry tonight ran a little late, but I will definitely follow up… I feel I’d have quite a lot of input on plant medicines and certain synthetic molecular friends that are useful as well. Here’s a fact I find amusing though I likely wouldn’t broadcast this in person; a little psychedelic called 4-acetoxydimethyltryptamine drew me into watching a colorful cartoon called Friendship is Magic. I think whatever parts of the creator take positive interest in me felt like I could use some very, very basic teachings over a decade ago. I was on quite the negative path at the time. Strange start to being spiritual…

I do take on a not to be trifled with exterior many times, but in my case it isn’t due to some allegiance to masculinity. Given a male or female body, of equivalent health… and attractiveness if I’m being honest, it wouldn’t make much difference to me either way given I don’t plan on biological reproduction. I would not want to give birth and suffer that hormone barrage. Free will is a given, but with our current tech level I’d personally stick with whatever I was born as, others can do as they like though I don’t think the tech is truly there. The shell is more to avoid being victimized… and avoid small talk with neighbors I find irritating. Trying for unaided universal love, but loooong way to go though I’ve been gifted previews of that feeling by certain entities that if they have names, are not forthcoming with them.

I’ll finish reading your story when I can, but after I comment on that, if it’s not too greedy of me, I’d appreciate some thoughts on certain things. I’m definitely Earth native, my thread about discovering what getting sent love and light by a higher density entity felt like in the metaphysics category can explain some of how I know that. I do have my own female wanderer to talk to, my mate, but until recently it was she who was more concerned about not appearing weak. Female body, but she doesn’t feel her spirit has an animal sex per se. Also while she creepily, not bad creepy, says all these law of oneish things, she hasn’t even read it. Her consciousness constrained by her current brain operates via synesthesia, complex tapestries of feeling, images, and things I don’t have a human psychological comparison for… also she appears to be acquiring a degree of feeling telepathy with me as we undertake certain practices. The love she sent me when we did wim hof breathing and meditation together earlier Valentine’s Day was something else. Though I admit having a completely open heart is scary, compared to a chemically open heart with the reassurance of the dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin rushes of an enactogenic monoamine releaser such as MDMA or 6-APB.

But even though I’m the one that read the material, she’s very smart artistically, mathematically, and technically, but esoteric vocabulary of a philosophical nature as transmitted by Ra is very much so not her cup of tea constrained in her current physical manifestation. So it would be useful to speak to someone more positively polarized individual more conversant in “sound vibrational complexes” and perhaps I could be of some aid to you as I am reckless and have learned of and tried MANY things, chemical and otherwise. I do like my shortcuts to meditative and spiritual states.

Apologies in advance for my relative immaturity, I just joked with my mate that given recent evidence would suggest that her spirit is sixth density, though are human bodies are the same age, that if she’s billions of years older than me… that makes her a pedophile. She said love was love and I said that’s exactly what the North American Man-Boy Love Association says! A preview of my immaturity and incapacity to take anything entirely seriously. Use your free will to decide if you’re still interested in talking to me. Also I maaaay have taken a few too many drugs near Christmas and decided it would be amusing to see if I could convince anyone I thought Ra was a tall blue catgirl in third density… but I’m sober now- if you don’t count the drugs I’m currently taking. But I am genuinely interested and experiences have proven for me that somehow the ancient Egyptian aliens spiritual philosophy may actually be the one true “religion”. Impressive ufos after addressing the Confederation with a small request regarding nuclear war and negative and positive aliens or spirits getting all up in your electromagnetic fields can be very convincing, among other things that fit.

I promise to read the rest of your story in the next few days and offer anything possibly insightful. In the meantime, you say you like intense, overstimulating to many, music. Here’s an appropriate one

No post of mine is complete without entirely unrequested sonic bombardment! I’ll shut up now, I don’t mean to take over your thread, please don’t take it that way. Just haven’t found many that might have the wisdom, primarily emotional in nature, I seek.


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I actually am only interested in plant medicine for healing shadows myself. I’ve always been extremely sensitive to chemicals in general in my life so I only trust plants at this point on my spiritual journey. Too many chemicals over the years which resulted in a chemical depression made me a little weary about trying anything that is not endorsed by nature itself. It’s been 7 years since I quit all prescription meds.

I have watched a few documentaries over the years about using plant medicines for healing. This one was rather good:

I would like to try Ayahuasca some day if I ever travelled somewhere to do an official ceremony. I did look into Rythmia at one point but it is rather expensive. Maybe some day when life opens up and the opportunity presents itself.

A lot of the second half of my story will explain how I feel about many of these concepts you mentioned more in depth. I think it may help for you to gather from it what resonates with you and I’ll leave it at that. :slight_smile: If you have any further questions afterwards I’ll try my best to answer.

Thank you for sharing the song. I have heard Nighwish in the past. Their music is almost a little too intense for me, but it is very beautiful. :heart:

I always enjoy music of all kinds, but my favorites are one with that soft loving energy behind it or songs that express deep, intense emotions.

This one was filmed in my province so it has personal significance to me.

The symmetry they use with their shots, the black and white outfits, ect say a lot in themselves. This song reminds me of my last relationship so it hits hard.


“ He was my real first love in this life. I set him up with my best friend because he liked her, even though it was the most painful thing I could have done at that time in my life. They didn’t date for very long.

I also made friends with those that I connected together that are still either together to this day or are still super close friends. I always felt like a secret Cupid underneath it all, as all I wanted for everyone was to be insanely happy and full of unconditional love. ”
Wow, just wow. If you are just human in spirit… maybe I should go a little easier on my judgements. Maybe you were one of that group mentioned that graduated but decided to stick around because altruistic gluttons for punishment?

Your friends are certainly lucky to know you… humans anthropological speaking are overall pretty capricious. Maybe you’ll get treated like family and brought into the tribe, maybe you’ll get tied to a fire ant hill covered in honey. The sad thing is those actually fit to rule are hardly ever interested. Always the Ghengis Khan, hardly ever the Marcus Auerilius, never the totally kind, for their assassinations or worse would be immediate. Power is the spiritual cocaine of those whose hearts may beat, yet give no light.

And the stalking you mention… this is a dilemma of our species. Spiritually healthy to be all ost, but physically inconvenient. In high school I had some individuals that thought bullying the loner was a good idea. I’m bipolar, so I’m nicer than normal, but switch a flip and it’s easy, or it WAS, get to that in a minute, to inculcate the visceral feeling that I was the greater psychopath without touching them minus one stab of a sharp pen. Then they wanted to follow me, I just wanted them to cease their annoyance. Strange species.

NOW, after going along with the light, I get in one completely justified only verbal threat display of hissed utterances of virulent vituperation and descriptive possible unpleasantness and instead of that invincible fire in my belly, I get this absolutely sickening spiritual malaise that wouldn’t go away until I meditated for a long time on love and forgiveness. Also apparently the creator isn’t fooled by perfunctory forgiveness, I had to actually do it. Very annoying, kindness and viciousness where warranted is optimal in terms of success in society as it stands and in achieving desired psychological outcomes in others. Really wish there was a middle path of progression, but I’m not going to be a sadistic, enslaving psychopath, so I suppose my only choice is to become more like my mate and as you describe yourself.

“ In my early 20s, my mental health started taking a beating, as well as my physical health, which started around the tense energy I always felt around the public in general”
We aren’t meant to live like this, especially if you’re sensitive to others. In experiments, place too many rats together and they become anxious, aggressive, cannibals. Isolate them and they self injure and become addicted to any available narcotic. Hunter gatherer generally lack a word for suicide…
According to my mate’s higher density friends, while seductive and useful, the technology being built is ultimately a mechanism of enslavement. I realize the irony communicating right now on the internet…

“ I was going through far too much in my life and I had enough. I took a bunch of my own prescription pills and fell asleep, but not before sending some confusing text messages to my closest friend, who got the hint and called an ambulance. I just didn’t want to do it anymore. The pain of life was piling up on me. I was tired of feeling unloved, misunderstood and alone.”
One can never understand completely via words… but you aren’t alone. No ambulance in my case, I have a supernatural tolerance to every major class of worthwhile, as in not ssris and the useless nonsense often prescribed, drugs… I’m sorry, I know at least a similar feeling.

As for the prescription you mention, my knowledge extends only to psychoactive drugs. All drugs have risks, it’s good practice not to take anything daily unless you absolutely have to after consulting multiple doctors and doing what research you can.

Interesting you had that change after the medical incident, that seems to happen a lot. Maybe we realize how precarious our physical existence is and then ndes are the ultimate version of that.

“ I wanted someone to see me for me, right through to the very depths of my soul.”
Yes, beyond libido and any salve for loneliness, is that not the ultimate desire? To be truly understood… so rare, so precious.

“ I wanted to note, that during all these years, I saw so many different counsellors, psychiatrists, and therapists myself for my own issues. No one ever diagnosed me with certainty with anything other than anxiety and depression.”
Such personages are not useless but they can harm as well as help. Ice pick lobotomy… not that long ago. Perhaps seek help from, in LoL terms, “yourself “?

In 2002 (published in 2006), a study was conducted at [Johns Hopkins University] by [Roland R. Griffiths] that assessed mystical experience after psilocybin.In a 14-month follow-up to this study, over half of the participants rated the experience among the top five most meaningful spiritual experiences in their lives, and considered the experience to have increased their personal well-being and life satisfaction.

“Mushrooms” is 4-HO-DMT
DMT itself is produced endogenously, that is within you. It protects against hypoxia, low oxygen, and is released at death. Ayahuasca is orally active DMT.

You can use breathing techniques to safely release an amount of this dmt.

Try 6 rounds instead of three. Longest holds possible, no harm will come if laying down.

I’ll have to disagree on natural drugs being inherently better though. Is a beaver dam a part of nature? It was constructed by an animal, your spirit currently resides in an animal. Extracted dmt crystal is easier to handle, but exogenous dmt is probably not the best starting point though the breathwork is fine.

You will be most vulnerable to other, more powerful entities detached completely from your body. It can be great, it can be terrible. I’d recommend years of psychedelic experience first.

Okay, got to your psilocybin section after I wrote this, but perhaps there’s still something useful like the endogenous dmt enhancement technique.

There are better starting points, but if you insist on “natural “, mild dose of psilocybin. Increase slowly each experience. Intensity can be modulated with endogenous dmt breathwork while on a dose. Read the Psychedelic Experience. Set and setting. Shamanic practices within whatever mythology are powered by belief, the belief is the magic, not specific rituals. Though I wouldn’t mind taking mescaline with some Native Americans. Ayahuasca is pokey and lasts for hours rather than 10 minutes that still feels like a lifetime. It can certainly be healing, but I consider it a bit masochistic.

You need a sober sitter who truly loves you. If you encounter something negative, it will feel cold and terrifying, do not open yourself up to it. Send love towards it while your companion holds you lovingly. Ask for assistance, the nice aliens or spirits are more numerous and powerful and are nearly always willing to lend a tentacle of rainbow light. Meditate into a loving state before dosing.

Marijuana or alcohol is not advised. A nicotine vape can increase clarity. It is wise to have diazepam or alprazolam on hand in addition to red vein mitragyna speciesa if you need to regain control, however, ultimately the experience is about surrendering to the infinite and being willing to go with the flow and learn.

“ Knowing that my ex husband is now in a sub/dom relationship doesn’t surprise me in the slightest knowing what I experienced in the 6 years we were together.” Orion sorts do like their bdsm…

“ During our relationship though, I was frequently in an oxycodone coma. Between the 80 mg of oxycodone” opiates are useful tools, but they promise the world at first, long term they offer numbness and spiritual death. Kratom a couple times a month can be useful though.

“ Most doctors were a lot happier giving me dangerous opioids than spending ten minutes listening to me talk about my feelings.” there are good doctors, most are employed by big pharma. The Covid “vaccine” didn’t prevent Covid and almost killed me. Safe and effective, one is usually best off doing the opposite of what the government wants.

“ The people on this planet are starving for real genuine connections and I’ve been seeing it my whole life. When they lose that opportunity, they react in ways that scare me sometimes.”
Yes. The opposite of addiction, whether to cheap technology dopamine or drugs, is connection, not abstinence.

Okay… wanted to keep my word, probably should have read it all before making comments.

If you’re not a wanderer… I didn’t know pure strain humans could be this empathic. I don’t understand the twin thing, but I just read the original sessions, which I’m drawn to but take with a grain of salt like anything as I know I know absolutely nothing for sure.

I thought I was nicer than most… most of the time, but this is next level. Are you duel activated 4D positive? I’m getting the feeling I might not have much spiritual information to trade. I know a lot about regular humans, there’s that. Consider me humbled… though I’d love some guidance once I think of questions that aren’t obvious or stupid! Not surprised being that loving on earth was a rough ride though, this is sort of a bad neighborhood- we blow up planets to make asteroid belts, have never seen anything we can’t turn into a weapon or torture device, and have made torturing second density life forms an art form. The masses follow false gods who divide and rule.

“ I don’t even want to hurt insects, I always catch them under a container and let them go outside.”
Ugh, my mate makes me rescue spiders. I hate spiders shudder

I did also feel something special when reading the law of one in spite of the apparent insanity, underground yetis and such. I think the universe might just be trolling me at this point, things were normal a few years ago and now a demonic alien is trying to kill my wife, everyone’s sleepwalking into nuclear war on behalf of two equally corrupt countries, one run by a comedian, viruses are being intentionally released with deadlier cures, the world economic forum wants to control everything anyone does, I’m developing nascent telepathic abilities with my wife, people think non existent pronouns like xir or singular they are more important than mass homelessness and real suffering, the us Air Force is having dog fights with trans medium ufos on mainstream media. So much else… and the only thing that comforts me is electromagnetic trans dimensional aliens. And the aliens want me to meditate and somehow love this absolute, absurd clown planet! WTF i can’t walk the dog at night without several dancing Christmas light blinking orbs saying hello and making me feel touchy feely stuff in my chest! Uh, sorry things have been weird. I feel like something big is coming, but I have no idea what! Or if it’s good or bad.

“ And for a community preaching Oneness, the more hardcore members seemed to be extremely emotionally closed off, paranoid from studying the "negative polarity” for too long and a lot were unexpectedly judgmental for a community preaching Oneness.”
Those were archived when I read some. The tendency of spiritual sorts to get all uptight is so annoying. This is why I prefer raves to churches. There was a troll pretending to be a negative entity, I thought it was hilarious, these people thought their energies were going to get enslaved reading some 4chan tier trolling. I’m still going to joke about Ra’s long, third density catboygirl tail when the mood or intoxicants suit. Not malicious and vpns exist. The law of one should be the opposite of dogma and appeals to human authority, I do like having fun with those that take themselves too seriously. Consider it catalyst to chill out, it’s impossible not to serve! My service just might be strange at times, haha

“ I backed away reluctantly but found it impossible for some reason to stay angry or frustrated with him. I forgave him instantly. I am extremely forgiving but I never forgave anyone as easily as I forgave him.”

So a sociopath with possible negative entity information decided to strategically target your propensity for forming strong connections and perennial forgiveness, emotionally torture you and gaslight you?

“ I joined the twin flame Reddit for awhile and got banned in three days for trying to share my thoughts with the more serious members on the Reddit who were desperately searching for answers. No one wanted me to hit anyone with a dose of reality”
Posting anything on Reddit nowadays gets one instantly banned by their pathetic powermods if you go at all against groupthink or say anything somewhat sane. Used to be cool, darknetmarkets, etc. Only useful for amateur porn nowadays. Even 4chan is better, yeah you’ll see a bunch of dumb racial insults and swastikas, but at least you can speak your mind. Forums without free speech are pretty worthless.

“ I used to think I was incarnated here just to be of service. I realized recently that looking at your experience here like that can make you into a martyr indefinitely.”
The Jesus mistake. If you don’t take care of yourself too, eventually you become an unrealistic goal that provides torturers excuses to go after heretics. Nice abs though. As far as traditional religion goes either personal animistic shamanism or Buddhas middle path are a bit more sane. Jesus came from 4th density, I get the feeling without the wisdom they act like E-Tards that go up and hug a cop on molly.

“ I spent years being accused of being mentally ill when I was just a misunderstood empath who didn’t know what it was like to be one. It took me decades to shake that stigma from my heart, and I am only 41. And even to this day, I feel this small fear inside that belongs to that beautiful heart that always wanted to be loved and instead almost didn’t make it, so many times, before having the opportunity to feel the love I have in my heart now. I’m glad I made to where I am today, as strong as I can be but the journey has worn me down in ways I’m not sure how to begin to heal.”

I’m sorry :green_heart:

“ I feel like there has been a major shift happening in the energies lately and I believe from my own observations and interactions with others that a lot of the more spiritually aware empaths, energy readers and sensitive souls are being able to see more and more beyond the veil. They are having strange dreams, having weird interactions out in the world with others and are noticing a huge change in themselves and the people around them. It’s not just me, I’ve been seeing this all over the place. ”

Yeaaaah, things are getting weird. I’ve been flying through glass pane paradigms in a MiG.

“ I thought there was a whole group of people working behind the scenes trying to fight these forces of evil with positive music.”
That would be awesome….

“ fixation on labelling any spiritual experience as someone experiencing mental illness”
I can only imagine if I was honest with a psychiatrist… besides my psychiatrist friend who thinks he sees souls suffering he needs to help when he injects ketamine. Or the deceased dolphin whisperer John Lilly…

“ a very broken planetary population with an over abundance of masculine energy”
Is masculine energy your term for human bellicosity, hubris, and rapacity?

“ It was in the beginning when we first started talking back in early October. We were flowing off each other in such harmonious ways. I felt that peace then too, if only for a short period of time. We were expressing ourselves so beautifully, sharing feelings and painful memories with each other like it was the most natural thing in the world to do together.”

Wait, so is this that guy that was acting like a public drama queen gaslighting sociopath before?
Sorry, I’ve never heard of this twin flame thing before and find it confusing. No offense intended, world’s gotten so weird I can’t really discount anything out of hand considering my own experiences.

I don’t like hierarchy, but women seem plenty prone to it as well, often more hidden. Social rather than physical aggression. Most of the time… there’s some scary women. Wouldn’t things at a level above gendered reproduction just have pure conscience energy?

I do think my mate is a wanderer due to the differences in relation to extraterrestrial interaction. BUT, I have always wanted an alien girlfriend! Cat or Vulcan ears preferred, but I guess an alien spirit is cool too.

I don’t know if Ra has its own agenda. I just know our physical bodies aren’t the whole story given a lot of evidence, ndes in the congenitally blind, people like Dorothy Eaddy,
Things like this-

Could I ask though, how do I talk to my higher self in a manner that transmits information?
It didn’t set me up to be heartless, but I’m quite annoyed with the anxiety and slight autism! Among other things that require liberal drug use for normal functioning. I’m grateful for my mate, but if polarizing positively involves interacting irl with third density mammals, this introverted setup is not likely to produce usable results! I would like to give myself a firm talking to, and stop incarnating me on these weird money and work and authority worshipping planets!

“ I realized I needed more adventure in my life when I was jealous when my friend told me how him and his girlfriend did ecstasy once and had obnoxious sex in the river valley one evening. I wouldn’t go that far myself, but at least they had passion in their relationship. That is what I realized I needed to accept; that I have desires and I should not feel like I have to pass them up in order to be of endless service until I wished myself out of existence. ”
No mdma required, phenibut is better for that and legal.

“ Sexual activities while on Moxy is outstanding.” Add 5 meo mipt and a semi public setting. I did this for Valentine’s Day. And most Saturdays.

Okay not particularly spiritual, but the creator shouldn’t go passing drugs and gendered bodies out if it’s a “sin”.

Well, whatever you do, the above or ride a rollercoaster, I think after ALL that sto, have some fun to balance things out! I am an inveterate hedonist.

Thanks for the interesting story my friend.

I don’t see any difference between me and any other soul in that sense. Everyone can be like this. I just feel I understand unconditional love deeply coming into this lifetime but I don’t think that sets me apart from anyone. Maybe it’s never seemed to matter much to anyone else before that I’m like this. Who knows. All I know is that it made me an outcast and I never understood why being loving made you weird. That was never fun.

But yes, I have asked myself that before. I have spent the majority of my life being a martyr for the sake of others. It was worth it, always, to help them heal, but I need to find a better balance so I find things that I enjoy too instead of my whole life being about duty and service. I am finding a better balance all the time and don’t struggle with this anymore.

I understand, my second husband was atypical bipolar. It can be a rollercoaster to follow those kind of emotions. I understand the struggle as I saw it for 6 years very intimately.

Yep that is why I talked about building a different kind of life, setting up a community of some sort. I’ve never liked the way we are forced to live. I have no interest in perpetuating the majority of the current societal nonsense that is happening. That is why my son has long hair and wears pink boots. He likes them. It shouldn’t matter beyond that what society thinks. Unconditional love needs to be the foundation of society or there is always going to be more and more separation. Sensitive people shouldn’t be shunted off to the side so their sensitivities and intensity don’t make others uncomfortable. The reason behind the discomfort needs to be addressed.

Thank you, although I haven’t felt that way in many years, but I wanted to share what I experienced to show how you can feel that way and one day actually find love in your heart for yourself again. It’s never too late for anyone.

Yes. I understand just how rare and precious that sort of connection actually is… something worth fighting for, the only thing that makes a lifetime of pain make sense… unconditional love.

I’ve had counsellors that were so kind and caring that I saw them comfortably for 2 years and was actually sad when our time was done. I’ve also had a psychiatric nurse yell at me for “being too emotional” during a counselling session after spending the first half of the session explaining the differences between her and a counsellor. I don’t think you can judge the entire mental health profession as a whole. There are a lot of aspects to it that are very helpful, there are just a lot of people working in that field who aren’t balanced themselves and should probably work on that more before helping others. Lead by example.

Nope, he’s just someone who likes control in a relationship and his partner wanted to relinquish control. It was a win-win for both of them. They are both really good people, they make Xmas food for their apartment complex and love animals. People have layers. It’s not that easy to understand them based on a few surface qualities that may seem questionable to someone who might not understand the dynamics of their particular relationship.

They cut you off completely from your higher self I believe from my own experiences. They have their place for injuries but long term is dangerous and they are very addictive. I had to be very cautious with them, always making sure I never took more than I was prescribed, but I knew people who took so much that they had to take methadone to get off of them. And that made them so tired they were falling asleep in class rather than being able to participate. It makes it impossible to function no matter how you look at it. Natural is always better in my eyes. I’ve seen it very clearly over the years.

I’ve always been this way. I have no idea who I am, but I’m sure it doesn’t really matter as long as I do what I came here to do… to love. I try to do it as unconditionally as I possibly can in all circumstances. :slight_smile:

I don’t really resonate with those concepts so I couldn’t tell you. I do believe I may be from a place that is more balanced and I feel I may be a healer in the inner planes, but other than that, I am here to express unconditional love to everyone. I know I can express and feel love in ways most people do not understand, but I just feel that this is a lesson most are learning right now and will find their place when they heal their shadows. I am a firm believer that everyone is equal, no one is truly evil, not really. I feel we are all a result of our conditioning and some of us have conditioning that is more extreme than with others.

No such thing as a stupid question. :slight_smile: And you never know what you can learn from another, so I never discount any interaction as something I couldn’t learn from.

Forgive me but I actually laughed when I read this. No. If anyone put that much interest in screwing with me, I’d honestly wonder what the point would be. Sometimes people are just hurt and lash out at you because their impression of you and your actions is filtered through a particular lens that is based on their own conditioning and not how you actually are as a person. You have to have forgiveness for their lack of understanding and realize that it’s not actually personal. They usually have a lot of pain inside that they are avoiding dealing with. Most people don’t feel the need to do things like that unless they are truly hurting.

I actually really dislike Reddit and most social media. I was just there because I wanted to check everything out and be as thorough of my investigation as possible. I’m mostly a ghost on the internet though outside of these forums.

I survived. That is all that matters now.

That part I thought would have been dope af. LOL The first time I saw that movie I cried and wished the world could be healed with music. It has always healed my heart.

No, it’s the type of energy that I’m talking about. Divine feminine and masculine energy have their own definitions.

Feminine energy is source energy, or “Yin” energy. Masculine energy is “yang” energy.

Divine feminine and divine masculine can’t exist without the other. This means that despite our cultural associations of masculine and feminine with men and women, respectively, we all have both energies within us. They just might not be evenly balanced.

Too much masculine, and we get aggression and domination. Too much feminine, and we get disempowerment and stagnation.

So therefore, with an over abundance of unbalanced masculine energy, we get aggression and dominance to an extreme, which we can see playing out all over the planet as we speak.

It started out very differently than where it went. :woman_shrugging: People are complicated. Spirituality and levels of awakening happen in stages.

It’s all good, I’m not offended. It’s actually rather impossible to upset me these days, I understand not everyone has looked into the same topics. I wouldn’t have ever found this out myself if I didn’t have a reason to look into it.

Most of the information on the internet is very bad. It is not very positive and can be extremely confusing. But this site seems to have more accurate information so far. I’m not a fan of the format making it out to be some kitschy article of the week type of site, but the information contained within the articles is good.

This one has a better metaphysical description of what it is to be a twin flame:

I find personally my higher self gets through to me through lucid and regular dreams, meditations, contemplations and through energy in general. I am drawn to things I need to pay attention to energetically and find the universe guides me forward on my journey.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts, I appreciate your time and comments. :slight_smile:


Thanks for the reply. I’ve only become terribly spiritual in the last year, seems a lot of “ufos” and some obviously individualized in consciousness entities, psychedelic induced or sober (feels the same, but tryptamines allow me to actually see them, not with my physical eyes, and have more substantial interactions) wait until you believe in them to make themselves obvious. Not in every case though, like Dorothy Izzat. Previous encounters I assumed to be manifestations of my subconscious.

“ I find personally my higher self gets through to me through lucid and regular dreams, meditations, contemplations and through energy in general. I am drawn to things I need to pay attention to energetically and find the universe guides me forward on my journey.”
Well there’s something nice going on in meditation, energy is too general a term for me to grasp your meaning on that, though something was incredibly insistent that I read and I had strange emotions, like revelatory ones, and I’m not usually drawn to spiritual writings. “Scripture “ of various groups has some good quotes, but doesn’t make me feel anything special, favorite fiction does way more emotionally. I don’t treat anything as ultimate truth though, so I disagree with Ra’s seeming dislike of psychedelics. Meditation is good, but takes too long to do anything spectacular, I’m impatient. And hedonistic. Good hearted, but certainly no paragon of service in any manner that involves much suffering. Unless it’s my mate or a pet or platonic close friend if I had one. Perhaps a middle point between us would be more optimal?

I hope for my sake my higher self has nothing to do with my dreams. They’re all nightmares, being chased, looking for drugs, or looking for donuts. And always getting lost. Always alone. Sometimes I take a handful of Valium just to not dream.

My mate was bipolar, her changes somehow cured her. No meds other than psychedelics. I’m still an insane drug addict though, albeit a much nicer one these days.

Anyway I love detailed stories so thanks again. Perhaps we’ll speak another time. Dealing with post Covid fatigue right now, 20 hour sleeps, so I might be scarce for an interval of space time.