Knowing the Self

Spiritual & Metaphysical Matters
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I was going to add this to the last post I started, but realized it is so long already and this is probably a whole topic by itself…

I have been pondering much of the conversation that was had on my last post about meaning in life…and through some of the discourse, came to the realization (as some pointed out) that I don’t actually know myself.

For the last few days, I have been reflecting on what it means to know the self and also HOW to know the self. I have been asking myself what I actually know about myself to start the inquiry process.

What do I know about myself? I know that I AM the Creator having an experience in a physical, human body. That is literally all I know. All the ideas I thought I knew previous to these last few days have completely disintegrated. I feel relieved and empty at the same time.

I am not trying to bypass and get away from feeling uncomfortable about this, but I was encouraged to get to know myself…and to my dismay, I realized that I don’t actually know how to do that.

I regularly meditate and the stillness of the mind is wonderful, but I don’t feel like it has helped me to know myself. Unless I am misunderstanding something about meditation.

So, here are my questions:

  1. HOW do I get to know myself? Are there questions to ask? Things to “do”?

  2. Which “Self” am I getting to know? The individual personality? The body? The mind? The higher self? The Creator?

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If you want to get to the heart of the matter, you might begin with (1) feeling–not hypothesizing about–what is most beloved to you. (2) From there, see if you can take a step in a direction where that feeling increases.

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I second this.

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This sounds like how I get to know my desires, not myself…or are they one in the same???

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It’s possible that if you follow this deeply enough (rather than hypothesizing about it, heh heh) you’ll find them both intersecting in sacred space.

Everything you can imagine is a mirror reflecting back to you elements of what you are. (Including myself, of course.) Which of these is important to you is yours to choose, and these choices define your identity over time. If you want to move through all this to get some sense of what is more deeply you, got to (1) above.

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My suggession: try following your curiosity without judging it. What are you curious about in a child-like way, for it’s own sake, not something that you feel you should be curious about as a means to a spiritual end.

The kind of curiousity that creates a spark and feels like the beginning of an adventure.

What if you turned this questioning on its head? – What am I learning about myself through my body? My mind? My personality? – Feel into it with the security that there are no wrong answers. Getting to know the Creator is inherent in this process, I think.

I’m excited for you and what you will discover :green_heart:

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As Mirror said, your authentic self and your authentic desires intersect within the same space.

The idea that feeling isn’t tied to truth…well, frankly, it’s absurd. This is not a judgment directed at you as a person, but towards the web of programming you are working on untangling. If not from feelings in your heart, where does your sense of self come from? From your performance in accordance with a set of doctrines? From the approval of some “heavenly” authority?

A big part of learning can often have to do with unlearning such misguided notions.

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You could cause brain damage.

Just kidding. I mean, maybe if the proper head gear is used…???

Yes, this a complementary approach, trying to determine what is inside by studying what the external world is telling you. And maybe, eventually, a resonance between the inner and the outer can occur?

It’s easier beginning outside because things are more apparent, but it’s a less direct way to finding the heart of the matter within. On the other hand, working internally, while possibly more direct, is challenging because the entire working landscape can crumble in an instant if one’s attention is not disciplined. It can be difficult (obviously!) to continue adjusting one’s course through that shadowland to find the eternal light within.

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Proper equipment is essential:)

I guess I was thinking in terms of what would make a good starting point if feeling unmoored. Less about efficiencies and more about practicalities.

I see this as a good foundational first step if you are not sure where to start. Although I might phrase it more like “trying to determine what is inside by paying attention to your reaction to the external world.”

I see it as a flow between the internal and external. A conversation between the two in the search for self. The conversation starts primarily with the external world and as the growth process continues, and the sense of self developes, the searching moves more and more inward,

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Here’s something to fortify your point of view.

May 31, 1981

I am Hatonn and we would answer you by saying that the process of loving the self may begin at any point, for all is one. And when an entity can truly love any other entity or any other idea that seems to be other than self, then the entity has made a start in loving the self which will, shall we say, become as a chain of reactions, each feeding the other—the love of the self for the other for the self for the other for the self, and so on until the channel of love is open within the entity and flows freely, the waters of love touching all.

It sounds quite lovely, does it not?

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Not sure if I am more lost than I started here, or if I am thinking too much…

BUT - Is knowing myself just a state of observation, rather than actions required???

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There are many levels of this, it’s a complex set up…which is why they call it a “complex,” I suppose.

As I’ve observed this, most of us identify with one level or another and hang tightly onto it until it eventually crumbles away. Then w grab onto another. You don’t seem inclined to do that, so you’re feeling unsure. One level doesn’t seem to strike you as being better than any other. That’s, you might say, my observation.

To speak to your question, neither observation nor action: the heart of self, if you want to begin at the beginning, is about being. That’s a way of saying that it’s about consciousness. Everything you can imagine doing or observing or whatever else all begins and ends in consciousness. That’s your true self, but it ain’t much to hang your hat on.

When I was typing above about feeling what you love most dearly, that’s not about observation, it’s about actively feeling, and this is very important point of clarification because feeling–deep feeling–deep, deep feeling–is very close to being.

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I think I have already done this??? In years past there has been much “grasping” onto ideas, physical expressions, and identifications…I feel as if I have found the end to all of that…at least as far as I can tell because I’ve spent enough decades trying that out and its not working. It appears as if that is why I am the place I am at now. I’m feeling kind of “done” with all of that. Tired of it. Not wanting it any longer because its exhausting.

What do you mean by this?

Are you saying that when I feel deeply about what I love, that is BEING me?

What about when I deeply feel sadness, anger, or frustration? Is that NOT me?

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Most people relate to spirit as a vague concept, not as something tangible through disciplined intuition. At that level of perception it’s fuzzy and won’t keep your hat from falling onto the floor. From the other things you say, however, your next “homework assignment” may have to do directly with becoming more in tune with spirit.

Almost, but not quite. Full open heartedness is something you might feel when crawling inside the feelings you have regarding what you love the deepest…because then you are feeling the deepest feelings of love which you feel–at the risk of running in circles rhetorically.

This is a feeling (feeling, not a concept) of no resistance whatsoever, complete, unreserved embrace. Like a big friendly dog slobbering all over you, if that image helps.

I’m not sure I can describe what “purifying feelings” means. You say you’ve been around for decades, then I’m sure you experience reverence or sumblimity or peace more deeply now that you did in ages past. The experience deepens as we become activated in deeper layers of our being over the years. A sense of purified love shoots to the marrow of one’s being, leaving no doubts because there are no thoughts. It is perceived internally with cleaned up intuition (meaning: not iffy, not shallow). This is something in the neighborhood of what I mean by being and self. There’s no action or reflection of anything in particular. Like faith, it opens up from intuitive awareness.

As to unpleasant emotions, these are peeled back to find the love beneath. Sadness is a function of frustrated love, so do you then dwell in the frustration or celebrate the love, for example? Anger is the same. “Someone didn’t love me the way I needed it and now I’m angry.” (I do this one with particular flair, btw.) Again, do we dwell in the fire or do we celebrate the underlying love? And again, on a good day, we seek to purify the love to feel the sweetest sentiments hiding beneath the violence or what have you.

Originally, I was suggesting (somewhat indirectly) that you look to your heart to find your own signature vibration. Try simply tuning in to the love your heart is expressing right now. Maybe that will work for you? If not, then jazz it up a bit by feeling how others love you or how you love yourself or whatever form of fuel will prime the carburetor. I’m suggesting focusing, not on what you love, but on the vibration of conduction love, of feeling it course through you. You may not suppose that identity can be found there, but since you’ve searched so many other places–and the price is right–you might want to play around with this.

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Beautiful, Mirror. Thank you for sharing.

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So, I’m going about my day…doing what needs to be done to live…following my TRUE desire (still having a hard time telling) out of love…serving others…caring for myself…and all the while BEING conscious of all that I am feeling and experiencing. Finding the love in all things???

I don’t know why this frightens me!
I think I have some kind of programmed thought that it can’t be that simple…that I will miss something…that I am not doing something “right”…

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I marvel at the human tendency and capacity to make things harder than they need to be.

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These are common reactions. The fact that you’re reacting means that there’s something happening within you to react to. and that’s a good thing.

Don’t worry about taking on some crazy assignment. Go into meditation and seek your heart. Can you do that “wrong?” Not really. It’s just not worth worrying about, is it?

Seek the presence of your heart, that is, your own presence at the level of your heart.

Relax.

Allow the love to find you.

Quiet your mind. How? By focusing on some simple feeling. The mind cannot really feel, it has to analyze and compare. So, relax your mind by focusing your feeling on some simple thing and attune your being to that which you love most deeply.

Relax.

Repeat.

Relax.

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When you feel passion…joy…color…don’t take it for granted that there’s something “more important” (some black/white/greyscale pompous BS) you should be focused on. Some of us have largely lost that color and want it back desperately.

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Thank you Mirror.
This was simple and helpful in that simplicity. I know I tend to complicate things. It’s very challenging for me not to. I appreciate the dialogue.

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