I need help, please

Newcomer Corner
1

Please, answer with love.

before reading, some important infos : I’ve been working on knowing my shadow self before even understanding what it was AND I’ve also been working in understanding the LoO before even knowing what it was. In both those case, I have developed my own terminology.
The goal of all these analysis of my life and all the observations of the world around me has always been the same : how to better navigate my environment = how to navigate this hostile environment on earth while protecting myself, having less pain, even no pain, and if possible, helping others.

So, I’ve been reading the Ra materials (I’m on session 60 right now), other transcripts on LL research’s transcripts (Qu’o, Hatonn, Latwii etc.) and Red Cord Channeling transcripts.

All those really help me understand what I was living, all the questions I had, all the discrepancies I’ve noticed about this world, all the pain I’ve been enduring and the problems that seems to fall again and again on me.
As a former christian, it also helped me understand why I found so much things wrong in the bible (Paul and the OG) and many things right (basically Jesus and other things inside the bible). I had so much incomprehension about God and the way he had been “running” the world, and it finally all made sense once I read the Ra materials.

Now, why I think I need help :

I think I’m a wanderer and I may have fucked up the programing of my catalysts…
Whatever I have been trying to endeavour in order to get an anchor on earth (think studies or job) something gets in my way, I get problems and it fails or half-fails. So much so that I am constantly in a unstable situation, as of now.
Before learning about the law of one, I always thought I had just bad luck, God hated me or I had done something to him.

The main problem I’ve endured has been harassment upon harassment, forcing me to quit or to delay my studies for example. And the same thing is happening again with an online course of 3 years with anther university : I’ve got new problems that I won’t detail here.

I am fed up, I can’t anymore.

I feel that there are absolutely no leeway. I am trying to reach my higher self to ask him what did I wanted to learn by coming here, but I just wanna stop everything, and I can’t even kill myself.

I’ve been trying to end my life many times, and no can do, it’s like everything I try or I plan fails or is never complete or the feeling is not there.

I’m like a prisoner in a prison of my own making, because, as I’ve understood, I was the one who planned this experience.

I’ve been crying and crying last night how idiot I was to do that, that I didn’t love my own self to put me in such a situation.

=> THE QUESTION = Can one cancel the experience ? I can’t anymore. If my experience was planned by me, therefore I have no free will, because I am just fed up, I am tired, I just want my peace, my damn peace.

Thank you for reading.

2

Hi wanderer,

I probably don’t have much of value to add here,
apart from conveying that I hear you :green_heart:

Do you have family or friends you can reach out to?
Depending on your location there might be a non-profit organisation that can provide some support.

Thank you for being you :gem_stone:

3

Answer with love, will try.

Self sabotaging is valid. What do you prefer? There is much tragedy inside and out, and yet still we chose to incarnate in these troubled times. If you were able to make the audacious decision to rise each day and say ‘thank you for my experience’ ‘I honour the soul’s decision to go through these hardships. I am grateful” then the change toward harmony is possible.

You create your own reality. -Seth.

Magnetising blame and why me , poor me is going to make it harder and harder.

I cannot empathise with suicide or talk of it. It is wheelbarrows of selfishness , a poor me cry for attention when the lesson is being ignored outright. No stillness, no listening, and no service to others, just blame outward and play victim card. Perhaps others can work with you on that issue.

Keep reading The Ra material, you will find other avid readers here, and brethren and community.

But please look again. Return with 4 reasons to say thank you and I might celebrate with you.

4

This is just my impression, but you feel like someone who was very ambitious prior to incarnation, wanted to help out here in many ways, then in the face of the intense heat in the oven here has become deeply frustrated. Maybe try setting limited and achievable goals for awhile. It would be more sensible to be less ambitious. The important work is done deeply in the moment, not widely and broadly.

Your peace is exactly where you left it. If you cannot attune to where you have been, then just be patient…life here is quite brief.

In my view, the help you need is closer to you than you can know. Open to it if you can.

5

a beautiful reminder to us all

I can relate to being unable to empathize with turning to suicide as a strategy, and the inability to turn away from it.

There was a phase after my NDE where I had inescapable thoughts of suicide. It eventually led me to taking a bath, submerging myself, and taking a deep breath. Suddenly, I felt invisible hands on my chest, pushing me out of the water and emptying the liquid from my lungs.

That moment served as a catalyst that led me to get the help I needed at the time. In many ways, my life is harder today than it was back then. But I now inhabit an environment where the circulation of love and support keeps me and my loved ones afloat.

I would like to echo this sentiment. The primary form of service—from our Creator perspective—is simply being here. What we “do” makes a difference, but making a difference is, in my understanding, secondary to our subjective witnessing.

1 Like
6

Hello!

I do have a psychologist (three in fact, in three different specialities, but I have a main one) and I do have my mother with whom I interact via phone.

The reality is, I’m just tired, tired of trying, tired of being brought down, I really feel like I’m not in control at all.

To put it more precisely, any time I try to “gain” my financial independence and stability, thus to “anchor” myself in the society, it seems that I am brought down, it’ like there was a hidden hand messing with my life. Thus, I have always been living in a what I would call a “vulnerable state”. I am consistently forced into it “no independence for you, no stability for you, f*** you!”.

This is breaking me, honestly.

7

Hello :), thanks for your answer.

Sorry but that’s sounds like being a slave, being subjected. Saying this would not be very honest from me. I’m not thankful for all the pains I have. I didn’t even talked about the new illnesses I got over the years.
Your view reminds me of religion : just do and don’t rebel.

Why does it make it harder ? I’m just looking to be at peace, nothing else.

Lol ! That’s harsh … your perspective seems to put guilt onto on who would want to leave the experience. That just make me want to leave even more. There is no compassion there.

Hey, are you sure you read the post ? I didn’t blame others. You’re listing many things that I didn’t do, like a general accusation, like they like to do at church. I will stop there, your whole message is toxic and just blame me.

oh gosh …

This is even worse, you continue with the “forced thank yous” and you’re making it about you.

You’re whole message is not healthy at all.

8

Hello :slight_smile:

Maybe, but here indeed I was ambitious, then I changed, like a lot, but then , even the simplest job or simplest course I have started, I get problems out of nowhere.

I have endured two violent harassments the last two years.
As I said to someone else here : The reality is, I’m just tired, tired of trying, tired of being brought down, I really feel like I’m not in control at all.

To put it more precisely, any time I try to “gain” my financial independence and stability, thus to “anchor” myself in the society, it seems that I am brought down, it’ like there was a hidden hand messing with my life. Thus, I have always been living in a what I would call a “vulnerable state”. I am consistently forced into it “no independence for you, no stability for you, f*** you!”.

I got some advice that it was the catalysts, and that if they kept coming it meant that the lesson wasn’t learned…
And as I discussed with them, that didn’t look like free will…

I’ll need to reflect on that … Thanks :slight_smile:

9

I think you could benefit from watching this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8RMTk6-QpSc&t=12m5s

It explains things in a way that most Law of One readers can grasp.

10

thank you :slight_smile:

11

Some people are able to find peace and recovery from wear & tear in meditation and other spiritual practices. Does any of that work for you? Have you found ways of tuning in to your spiritual support on their level, as compared to looking for support on the level of the outer world?

12

I did, but it’s like, I’m at a point where all of this is too much, I just want to rest.

Right now, after some other people advice, I might have gotten the lesson being taught : detach yourself from this reality = how not to be affected by a lie or what other think about you. So I’m trying to figure out how, that’s my only consolation right now.

13

You might consider this line of thought. You have an outward oriented self that evaluates your environment and makes decisions it feels are beneficial for its organism and personality self. This is what you are working from now.

There is also an impersonal (non-selfish), inner self which is in touch with your deepest feelings, including those which stretch back to your original intentions for being here.

Using the outwardly oriented personality will not solve your inner problems. This much you have discovered. And this is one step forward.

To move forward from here, you need to learn to associate with your inner self on ITS LEVEL, not your outer self’s level of being and thinking. You need a pathway into your deeper being so you can reorient your understanding and your values in accordance with your own deeper knowing. More or less, this will gradually accomplish your detachment from outward views of purpose, validation and so forth.

There is a price to be paid for this in terms of time put into it and the focusing of your desire.

3 Likes
14

I hear your frustration, and I want to validate that “an attitude of gratitude” in the face of suffering can feel like a denial of your reality.

In defense of the concept (if not the delivery), I don’t believe the suggestion is to force yourself to be grateful for things you are not truly happy about. Rather, it is to notice the elements that you are naturally inclined to appreciate, however small.

It doesn’t need to be extravagant. You have expressed gratitude in this thread in a manner that felt genuine and not out of place.

The utility of this is simply that where attention goes, energy flows. Acknowledging the details we do find appealing can help stabilize the unrest in our emotional ecosystem.

It can be as simple as appreciating a cup of tea, a short wave of acknowledgement to a driver who has stopped to let you cross the street, or finding comfort in the support of the ground under your feet.

It is appropriate to acknowledge what makes us unhappy, but there is a difference between acknowledging unhappiness and turning it into a mantra—not that I’m saying this is your issue—that suppresses the elements of relief that may dilute some of our difficulties.

@Patrick that was a very interesting and comforting video, thanks for sharing.

1 Like
15

Please take this as a gentle observation, not a critique, because I know how painful this state is and I’ve been there, yet those moments have been my greatest teachers.

It seems like you are caught in a false double bind. You are effectively being shown a pattern in your life that goes: ‘I believe XYZ needs to be true in order for me to be happy/worthy.’

When we hold onto these conditions too tightly, the Shadow (which is often just the Spirit trying to reach our blind spots) works with the Sub-Logos to block that specific path. The message isn’t ‘No,’ the message is: ‘You don’t need this to be who you are.’

The universe will sometimes make the external validation impossible until we finally let go and realize we never needed it to begin with.

To the veiled self, this feels like being trapped. But in reality, it is the exit door. Your only job right now isn’t to fight the circumstances, but to investigate the attachment: ‘What am I currently hinging my okayness on that is causing me so much pain? And where might I be wrong to have tied the two together?’

You don’t need to look at the hardship and try to solve any of it.

You only need to pause a moment to look up from it.

1 Like
16

Hello ! thanks for answering :slight_smile:

I get what you are saying, however, I have passed this stage.
However, here on earth, in the modern society I live in, you can’t do anything without money, so you need a job. But no can do, even through studies (I stop studying 2 years ago due to harassment, and even before that, I left my undergrad studies for three 3 after also an harassment. Now, I’m studying since september and got myself a new problem, the latter which prompted this post).

So I’m not looking for sth to make myself feeling worthy, I’m just looking for normality. It’s as if I was looking for food and water. The bare minimum. So seeking no validation or external ones.

I’ll write this down, how tight is “too” tight ? because Ra and others did say that “a strong will is very important”. And what about those who can get them and never have enough cause they can never be satisfied while, us, we can’t ?what about those who can get them and never have enough cause they can never be satisfied while, us, we can’twhat about those who can get them and never have enough cause they can never be satisfied while, us, we can’t

I cannot agree there, what about the consequences ? If I hadn’t left the course I did two years ago, I would have been crushed mentally and daily harrassed, and be falsely labelled as a trouble maker :I needed tools. So I left, and 7 months later i send a letter to denounce it, the people in question did get in problem, and they finally knew I was the victim. I wouldn’t have been able to to that if I had stayed.

The same tools I found and developed also helped me mend a relationship with a close relative. I opened their eyes onto what their child had done to me, and they could relate because she had lived the same. Before they thought I was exaggerating, but now, because I knew how it worked, because i knew how to defend against an bully, we finally reconnected.

17

Ouhhh ! That’s is very interesting :slight_smile:

I painfully learned that these “don’t” things often work indirectly, as a result of other operations.

Do you know how does one do that, please ?

18

In general terms, this is done through a trance state, such as in meditation or hypnosis or some other means. More specifically, one opens and accepts the things one finds along the way which are acceptable and those which seem unacceptable into a variegated whole. (We could call this your processed catalyst.) The main tool is love, the best use of which only becomes apparent as you move through the process. That said, in large part it feels like your heart opening wider bit by bit, even for a very guarded personality such as myself.

As a child, we embrace life day by day, but in later years we seem to take it year by year. The difference in scale much bigger for the inner self which looks at this lifetime by lifetime, so the need you have for this month is very small compared to what you need across several lifetimes, let’s say. You need to bring these into some sort of alignment as best you can so that your near term needs make some sense in the context of your overarching needs. That way, your personality and your deeper self will have more in common and can then work together more closely. The first step there, of course, is making some sense of your soul’s long term goals.

As you puzzle out what this means for you, personally, you will find more things, acceptable and seemingly unacceptable, to accept into your heart–over some period of time. This expanding breadth of acceptance and consequent emotional freedom then gives you more standing to discover more catalyst, some of which is exquisitely beautiful.

That’s my particular view of how one can work through this mess we are all in together.

3 Likes
19

Thank you very much man !!! :slight_smile:

1 Like