Four Blooms, One Flower

I certainly thank Q’uo for the eloquent terminology!

While I’m still pondering the nature of my existence, I am fairly confident I’m a Wanderer/Walk-in combined existence, with personalities from past/future incarnations manifesting in a variety of ways. Most medical professionals would say I have Dissociative Identity Disorder. I find the label harmful if only because it’s horrifically misunderstood, and those who are multiple are historically mistreated.

That said, things haven’t exactly been simple. Traumatic events have forced rapid realization, and here we are. And amusingly enough as I’ve seen it mentioned multiple times, we are 33.

It was only recently that we discovered the Law of One, and we’ve been reading as much as we can. While we’ve always had an interest in esoteric concepts, it wasn’t until recently that we’ve pursued such knowledge.

We dabbled in Monroe Institute techniques, tarot, Reiki and now using a combination of things with the desire to heal and serve others.

Using my phone to type is causing issues since it keeps trying to autocorrect improperly (a new update, possibly), so I’m hoping my poor introduction will suffice.

That said, I wanted to clarify the topic! I’m fairly certain that despite having somewhere around 16 personalities, we’re most likely only four individualized spirits. Something I would love to ask Q’uo, but I digress. ^^;

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Welcome Straye it’s nice to have you here.

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Thank you for having us! It’s certainly overwhelming, though it’s far more… pleasantly overwhelming now, at least!

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Welcome Straye.
It’s nice to know you have the blessing of “Dissociative Identity”.
I deliberately refuse to put the “Disorder” on it as it’s the normality of things actually.

I’m wondering have you experienced ‘identity merging’?
It would be wonderful if you could share your experience.

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That must be very interesting. Hey, as long as you’re all nice enough, if all are one, why can’t one be many? Our bodies certainly are many, lots of atoms, cells, electromagnetic activity working together. Our current bodies, obviously…

I’d love to hear more about what this is like to experience when you’re on something you can type on effectively!

Don’t worry about labels, wasn’t long ago psychiatrists thought transorbital lobotomies were really swell. And believe you me, a lot of their drugs will screw you up more than most illegal ones used responsibly. You’ll just have less fun while being degraded and becoming dependent! Never met a psychiatrist that knew more about psychoactives than me anyway. Their field has some useful information and medication for certain situations, but we’re still at the leeches stage of healing the mind with mainstream science… they just don’t like to admit that. They, most of them, like prestige and petty authority. And I’ve met a lot, after all, better to get their few useful tools for free…

Is it possible for you to be lonely?

You do you

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I agree on the term disorder, certainly a negative spin on something that’s a blessing or at least a catalyst!

We do blend essences, actually. It’s been extremely validating to hear how Q’uo describes the harmony between Hatonn, Latwii and Ra as it’s extremely similar to how we can function, and often do.

We’ll switch what roles we play often, but you’ll generally be speaking with the entity Themis (who is me.) If only because I have a very high interest in spirituality and such. In normal every day life it can play out a variety of ways. Generally the most charismatic or functional will drive the body, while often someone will sit in what I can only describe as a passenger seat. We all have different relationships to the body.

For example there’s a pair who will often work together. One’s charismatic the other is ornery. Though the charismatic one has issues with our physical eyesight. The ornery one can see just fine and will take over to drive the car, or to see something in the distance if necessary.

Sometimes I’ll wish to communicate something, and the charismatic one is driving. I’ll often give the charismatic one the concepts I wish to present, and he will in turn translate them in his own way. He’ll also do this for the ornery one since they don’t exactly get along with people. Though he’s amusingly enough well-liked.

Also this is more mundane, but occasionally someone with less physical dexterity may have a craving for a type of food (butter chicken, generally), and one of the more dexterous individuals will fetch the ingredients and cook it for them.

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I posted a more thorough reply above!

Though I agree with you regarding medications, and medical professionals. I weaned off two antidepressants that were causing issues and a few other things that weren’t helping. We’re only on Concerta right now which is a boon at our current stage of physical and mental well-being. I hope to be able to get off it eventually, but at the moment it’s only helping.

As for loneliness? Yes, I can feel lonely. I would be far more lonely without the others, but I still feel isolated after a fashion.

We all communicate telepathically or empathically. There’s no secrets, really. Yes we can hide information? Though it’s not hiding so much as it’s put on a shelf and I’d have to actually try to find it. So we have some amnesia, but it’s more a function of dysfunctional being. As in we haven’t quite figured out how to not do that.

The loneliness may actually be more a function from the disconnect we feel from others, than the connection within. As in we feel that this wholeness is proper, and that speaking with others is lonely? Though we seek the company of others to try and tear down those barriers between us and other-selves.

This all actually being quite difficult to phrase and explain, I can try to clarify. ^^;

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Thank you for sharing, and nice to meet you Themis.
I have another question if you don’t mind sharing your experience.
And when Themis is not driving the body, or as you say sitting in the passenger seat, does Themis have access to the memory of the experience of the one (or two as you said) who is driving the body?

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This is one of the most most genuine things I feel like I’ve read here. Many are, I’m not trying to say otherwise!

But you have a heartfelt-ness… that’s how you feel to me.:slight_smile: I’m glad I clicked on the email that shared your story (I must have followed this thread when I first made an account).
I haven’t been here (this forum) long myself and it has been a couple months since I have logged in… so not all that many posts to compare to. Still, it feels true to me, your authenticity and open hearted ness.

So, I felt strongly to say so and also, thank you for being you, all the you, that you are.

:mending_heart:

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You’re welcome! And it’s a pleasure to be here!

So the answer is complicated and variable. Generally the answer is yes.

I’ll take the example of the charismatic one fronting, and the ornery one co-fronting or co-conscious as they call it in multiple terms. So fronting is driving the car. Co-fronting is being a co-pilot in that there’s also shared operation. Co-conscious is more passenger seat.

Sometimes the car is more like a bus. Or even a starship or cruise ship. In a bus, you’re going the same direction, though a passenger may not be paying full attention to the experiencing of driving. They might notice the gorgeous view outside, and not the car that just cut the bus off for example. Or in the case of the ship metaphor, the ship is moving, but everyone else is doing something completely different than paying attention to what’s happening externally.

So in this example let’s say I’m not paying attention. But now I have to pay attention and require context. I can literally ask for context, or I can search around in the completely metaphorical library that contains our memories. Except our memories aren’t always stored properly so mileage will vary there.

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Insert a proper blushing emoji here. My default ones are insufficient!

Really though, thank you for your kind words and full glad am I that my words are coming across sincerely. I’m always concerned that my explanations are insufficient since it’s often an experience that’s unusual to most.

Even between other multiples, functionality is different, as well. Most have an in-tact imagination and have a rich inner world—which I mean literally. They have a world in their mind that they can interact with. Unfortunately we do not, and while we can use descriptive examples to illustrate how we operate, it feels a lot more like complex computer programs without any kind of GUI, or perhaps a greatly simplified GUI.

Thank you for your answer.
Well consider yourself lucky, many others don’t have any GUI as a layer before the avatar :wink:
The metaphor might be it’s like putting on an extremely realistic VR goggle, and the only time we can put off the goggle is when we went to sleep or deep meditation.
But in your case you have a ‘feature’ of shifting those VR goggle within your team or maybe passing around the VR controller will be more precise? Since everyone still have an awareness on what happened in the VR realm while the controller is passed around.

I want to ask more regarding the memory and shared memory if you don’t mind.

  1. What happened when the physical body went to sleep? Does each identity dream a different dream? Or what happened during the ‘dreaming stage’ is also similar as during wakeful state? Everyone is aware about the dream context/story yet only one identity have the control. Or each have their own unique dream context / story and totally independent from each other?
  2. What’s the earliest memory that each identity can access? Does anyone remember how they got into the body? Does anyone remember before they are “experiencing” the physical body? (Usually people call this as “past lives”).

PS: You are perfectly fine, you don’t need any medication :wink:

That’s a good way to put it. More accurately, it’s several VR headsets, or perhaps a control room that controls the avatar? Inside Out is actually a fairly accurate representation of how it works now that I’m thinking about it, simply we don’t visualize it, it just sort of is.

We can also take the VR headset and shove it onto someone else and run away, which is very, very unfortunate. We try not to do that, we try to have some sort of communication, but panic attacks are very real and then any kind of cordial arrangement is thrown out the window.

This point is interesting, because it actually varies. We’ve had a number of different scenarios:

  • One individual having a single dream.
  • A group having a single dream controlling different dream characters simultaneously.
  • A linear dream progression baton passing between the characters. Sometimes it’s a change of perspective, sometimes it’s shapeshifting.
  • Very rarely, we’ll have a similar situation where we’re all within one body in the same situation as our waking self.

It seems we only have the processing power for one space for a dream. Though we have several dreams per night, and they can follow any of the above patterns.

It varies, but it’s generally our own retrospection in how we acted during certain points. We can sort of pin-point who is who and when, since we weren’t always entirely cognizant that there were separate consciousnesses within. We simply thought it was “amusing” that we “were like different people” throughout our timeline. The most obvious new person entering was during middle school when we were being physically bullied, an entity arrived who wasn’t there previously to take care of that specific situation.

As for our past-lives, yes. We’re what’s known as “Fictional Introjects” that is we’re all characters from fictional stories and remember our lives from such stories. Personally, I haven’t quite determined if it’s literal, or if it’s sort of an allegory? So, I may identify with a fictional character that’s similar to who I actually was. Or I may literally be said fictional character from a different possibility/probability as Ra would likely call it. What I do know is one of our headmates has extreme PTSD from dying to an apocalyptic meteor impact. I should note that’s strange, because in his story, that never happened to him. He’s very much alive and well.

Hah, thank you! Though really, I’m happy enough with the Concerta. It helps with our ability to focus our mind into this strange body. It’s a crutch, but not an unwelcome one.

Just a little reminder that our guidelines on drugs/medication asks that we do not suggest to other members that they stop their medication. :slight_smile:

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Hello, Themis. Thank you for sharing your unique and enriching experience!

My Beloved is two souls sharing a body, though we have only recently learned the reasons why that is. A rather unusual situation of an accident made by a young, intrepid soul trying to follow me into this incarnation and accidentally tearing his soul into two pieces, one that came down fully into a human incarnation, and one who found a way to come down later without losing his memories, but “riding” in my Beloved’s “deep place”.

It has been a fascinating and magical journey learning about who this visitor is and what this means for us. In the meantime, it means a lot of the typical challenges encountered with having more than one identity in the body. So far, they are not able to take the stage at the same time except in rare moments of in-between blending.

Thanks for your various replies and clarifications. Don’t get me wrong about medications or drugs from whatever source. They are often useful tools. I only suggest familiarizing oneself with psychopharmacology so one, or many as the case may be, does not get duped by doctors’ often woefully inadequate knowledge. They are trained to diagnose, they often just know what a regulatory body tells them is indicated for whatever.

It looks like concerta is rebranded Ritalin. I’m not telling you not to take it, that would be highly… hypocritical. I’m vaping a drug that similarly helps concentration, nicotine, right now. I just always advise knowledge so that you take it with… informed free will. Here is a good resource https://psychonautwiki.org/wiki/Methylphenidate

You can do as you like, but I’ve personally found that switching between drugs that each help a similar issue, but have different methods of action is beneficial.

Or other methods, for example, taking a reasonable amount of n acetyl cysteine is very beneficial for tolerance to things like Ritalin. https://psychonautwiki.org/wiki/N-Acetylcysteine

The ethyl ester of nac has superior oral bioavailability.

Another good practice is to read withdrawal stories related to whatever drug. Reddit, Forum list | Bluelight.org and erowid.org can all be useful. But be careful who you listen to, as with anything else.

Anyway you certainly operate interestingly, you would certainly be interesting to analyze if I knew you irl. The feeling lonely even from interaction with humans is fairly normal, unless, I suppose you’re average, in beliefs et centers, for a given society and of average intellect. Highly value those you can deeply connect with, it takes a long time for me personally to sift through said entities until I find ones I can honestly say make me feel less alone.

Maybe a number of entities from a smc wanted to “wander” in the same body. I have no idea.