Eternal Joy: seeing past the suffering

[Kidkupid]

Hey guys!

I just wanted to share this interesting change that happened to me that I noticed recently, I want to see if anyone else has it.

So in my life I have been through a lot of suffering.

Especially during covid. I don’t want to share everything because I’m not a charity case and I don’t think anyone else is.

But to give you a reference point of what I’ve been through: from 2020-2022, I was hospitalized 8 times for mental illness

I don’t think this is a competition like “oh I’ve suffered more than you”

I’m just trying to give reference.

Anyways

I have been in therapy regularly for 3 years now. And I have been healing gradually. What I have noticed since this spring is even though I will be going through the regular everpervasive anxiety, or mild depression, or being tired, beneath all of that their is this quiet joy.

Like yeah, I feel bad, but I’m so used to the suffering that it doesn’t really bother me, I can still enjoy life or at least get through life with out giving up.

Part of me will feel really bad, but I can also feel this joy underneath. The joy only goes away if life feels meaningless, but that is rare, only happens when someone breaks my heart

I have been through so many bad experiences that I know very concretely that the suffering is transient. And I also know that I can withstand the suffering, and that is not actually so bad.

Its really just strong stimuli that my body feels. My mind, through experience, can see the big picture that the body can not see.

Even though I don’t feel okay, I know I am okay. I know that this will pass. I have had similar fears before. My reaction to rejection from whoever is me being dramatic and selfish because whoever is judging me does not hold the final say. I know this deeply even if my transient feelings are different.

If I were to transport these feelings to the me that existed 4 years ago, that person would be miserable and would fall apart.

And yes, when I started to develop illness, I did fall apart.

But now I have matured.

I don’t know do you guys think this has any spiritual ramifications?

I’m still pretty selfish, but I am trying to see the big picture and include others in it

Do you guys think I am closer to polarizing because of this?

It is some type of growth but may not be service towards others type growth

Because the mental illness can make it harder to be nice

However, A kind action on my part has so much more meaning to me now than it used to

4 years ago it was like I was spiritually asleep, everything meant less because everything was stable there was no major suffering

But yeah does anyone else have this feeling underneath their everyday feelings?

[sillyharold]

Don’t miss the forest for the trees

Honestly, I can relate to your post. I’ve struggled with mental illness and have had a tendency to question whether I’m good/bad, whatever. I miss the forest all the time. We learn as we go, no?

[Kidkupid]

What do you mean miss the forest for the trees?

[Oleksii]

Hello and thank you very much for sharing your story. I can only give my very subjunctive opinion. The pain and suffering is a very strong catalyst and can be chosen both for negative and positive polarization:

54.19 Questioner: In the case of service-to-self polarization, what type of catalyst would entities following this path program when they reach the level of programming their own catalyst?

Ra: I am Ra. The negatively oriented entity will program for maximal separation from and control over all those things and conscious entities which it perceives as being other than the self.

54.20 Questioner: I meant— I understand how a positively oriented entity would program catalyst such as that would result in physical pain if it— I’m assuming that an entity could program something that would give it the experience of physical pain if it did not follow the path that it had selected. Is this correct?

Ra: I am Ra. Please restate query.

54.21 Questioner: A positively oriented entity may select a certain narrow path of thinking and activities during an incarnation and program conditions that would create physical pain if this path were not followed. Is this correct?

Ra: I am Ra. This is correct.

54.22 Questioner: Would a negatively oriented entity do anything like this? Could you give me an example?

Ra: I am Ra. A negatively oriented individual mind/body/spirit complex will ordinarily program for wealth, ease of existence, and the utmost opportunity for power. Thus many negative entities burst with the physical complex distortion you call health.

However, a negatively oriented entity may choose a painful condition in order to improve the distortion toward the so-called negative emotive mentations such as anger, hatred, and frustration. Such an entity may use an entire incarnative experience honing a blunt edge of hatred or anger so that it may polarize more towards the negative or separated pole.

54.23 Questioner: Now, it seems that we have prior to incarnation, in any incarnation, as an entity becomes more aware of the process of evolution and has selected a path whether it be positive or negative, at some point the entity becomes aware of what it wants to do with respect to unblocking and balancing energy centers. At that point it is able to program for the life experience those catalytic experiences that will aid it in its process of unblocking and balancing. Is that correct?

Ra: I am Ra. That is correct.

From the said above you can tell yourself whether it is for one way or another one. But I think who chose negative path will not have such concerns as you have. And pain is very helpful for evolution:

83.25 Questioner: We would look at this in our present illusion as the elimination of a certain amount of catalyst that would produce an acceleration in our evolution. Is this correct?

Ra: I am Ra. The attitude towards pain varies from mind/body/spirit complex to mind/body/spirit complex. Your verbalization of attitude towards the distortion known as pain is one productive of helpful distortions as regards the process of evolution.

Knowing that the goal here is polarizing and evolution helps it you’re definitely closer to polarizing. But unfortunately we cannot say how much.

Because there are lots of reasons of having such catalyst it cannot be generalized, but the following might give some clue (if it’s applicable):

83.27 Questioner: Now, in some cases it seems that this use of catalyst is almost in a runaway condition for some entities; that they are experiencing much more pain than they can make good use of as far as catalytic nature would be concerned. Could you comment on our present condition in the illusion with respect to that particular subject?

Ra: I am Ra. This shall be the last query of this working of a full length. You may see, in some cases, an entity which, either by pre-incarnative choice or by constant reprogramming while in incarnation, has developed an esurient program of catalyst. Such an entity is quite desirous of using the catalyst and has determined to its own satisfaction that what you may call the large board needs to be applied to the forehead in order to obtain the attention of the self. In these cases it may indeed seem a great waste of the catalyst of pain and a distortion towards feeling the tragedy of so much pain may be experienced by the other-self. However, it is well to hope that the other-self is grasping that which it has gone to some trouble to offer itself; that is, the catalyst which it desires to use for the purpose of evolution.

[sillyharold]

What do you think it means?