Having tried to make me of the most inconsequential things.
I am no longer able to go back.
No light left for me.
Total end of me.
Things don’t look any better today.
Unable to keep anything up.
I hardly
Realize what had faded from my innocence.
A new relationship with the world:
Come.
Stay.
Throw Away.
I lost myself.
I lost myself.
Mayday! I have lost my self. As the world collapses completely.
Mayday! I have lost all! Having nothing left!
Hey! If you remember I wanted fun!
Forget it!
Say
Whoa-ah-ah-ah
I know I behave like a ghost of myself.
An empty shell built on lies
Lost in perversions and lack of innocence in all actions but those of survival.
“I’m nothing but a ghost.”
Though I am sure that what I want to say is “I LOVE YOU!”
Strangely enough it comes out as a “NO!”
The bad thing about obscuring is you realize: “If you can get obscured enough you shine no more.”
“Choosing to act cowardly, unfairly?”
It’s a big deal, I realize. I am tired of the obscurement of who I am.
That dead love of mine.
Digging the end of my own grave.
That sense of obscurement fading all me for so long. Where am I?
At this point, I realized, few people have tried to make grief fun. There are lots of songs about guilt that are Enlightened. This is based on one such song. But no song telling you easily how to end grief, or obscurement of Self.
The belief in obscurement of Self.
Even though it’s just me acting like the victim.
“Mayday!”
Feel free to berate me.
If love seems like such a wonderful thing.
Mayday! Bring the final death and seal my fate.
Mayday! I have no trust for myself!
Even though I callibrate above 250 LOC.
Oh! Mayday! When did you realize? That “I “ has no self.
Commentary: There is nothing within the “I”.
Only the Self has substance. Only you naturally have substance.
The self has no substance.
The self has properties that are obscured.
“Wishing for what I lacked.”
I came face to face with the version of myself that was unlike myself.
And yet I kept going
Through the darkness that made all I wanted go.
Give me a chance that doesn’t end.
For I cannot deal with nothing more.
I received this chance.
A “chance” to be One with mySelf Perfectly, I did not ask questions.
As I asked this song I received a chance to, not knowing how, or how, become one with the Self.
About time. At 18. I was about to manifest getting arrested for the sexual activity we all may do when we are young. Do you realize how messed up, self-limiting, obscured, painful it must be to manifest as an entity a situation like being arrested for that just for fun without a choice because “Why not, it’s all over.”?
And we shall never speak of that again.
This poem is about the end of my obscurement and the beginning of trust in myself, as they call it in Romania.
Finally, no longer empty.
Emptiness teaches us that anyone should be given a chance to succeed. Even nothing. Total lack. Be given the chance to see it is part of love.
If I could give one thing to all future Self-realization and so on students it is to believe in yourself and fun always in any situation and keep going. To never stop being the Self. To never give in to obscurement. To always shine your light. As I have.
(I for one don’t think I could prevent the single event where I… which I wanted to get arrested for…)
I promise to keep shining my light.
Now effortlessly.
Sometime I hope in ways that directly benefit you and everyone here!