Parental Polarization 🤔

[Colin]

Curious if anyone has any thoughts or references (to Confederation or other teachings) on the matter of polarizing StO in the face of the duty/honor of parenting.

I am a parent that tries to allow my children free will and opportunities to learn from their “mistakes” but there often comes a time when a parent, with the intent of serving them in the way of acting as teacher, feels compelled to take a level of control over them, disrespectful of their Free Will. As an example, “sit down and mind your manners” or “don’t put that in your mouth” or “say please and thank you”.

I am well aware of the many approaches that can be taken to teach these lessons, but there can come times when saying something like, “don’t put that in your mouth” or “get away from that” is what is absolutely needed in order to protect them from serious harm.

I find that creating structure and an environment of rules and discipline is not only commonly regarded as good parenting, but it is often said, “to be what children not only need, but ultimately crave”.

I do often find myself wondering if I am truly acting in a StO way. Or if these acts of control are ultimately StS polarizing.

[flofrog]

Colin, your worries so honor your parenting role, lol.

I think what is called good manners, though often looked as a controlling or bourgeois bias, is most certainly a necessary teaching since we live as a group, and you can also consider this as the essential Buddhist observance of respect for the other… lol

I had three children and one of them now is also raising her first child so asked me how did I manage since it seemed that the three of them were taught those proverbial good manners without any remembered incident and they all developed what is apparently a wholesome free will too, lol

I realize that when I was raising these three, I paid attention to my ‘no’. I would pay attention if their action or request would be answered by a no, or not, on my part and if I said.. no, I would stick by it, and never go back.

I think the mistake we tend to make as worrying parents is that if we say no, we then are afraid to have a fight and if it is a toddler a tantrum. But if you happen to stick to your 'no" the child, who is in fact quite smart, realizes quickly if you will stick by it or not. And when he/she realizes you do stick, then the fight disappears.

While if you say 'no" and then start to negotiate, then the child feels, ‘all right, so to get what I want or to do what I want, I need to fight, and then I do get what I want, or I do get to do what my parent said no at first.’

And this fight/negotiation is exhausting for the parent, but also for the child ! And it is a source of great anxiety for the child, to know he has to fight, and he doesn’t know how hard the fight will be.
While a parent who says no for a certain thing and it is final, then the child feels, ok lets move on, it’s a no.

Of course you cannot say no to everything, so you have to pick what is essential to you as safety or as what behavior you want your child to learn.

It is interesting because I never really reflected on that before, I intuitively would say ‘no’ to certain things I deemed essential and it si in fact my daughter who said to me I knew that when you said no, it was final and it felt like there was a wall there and it felt safe.

The other thing and it is also my daughter who in fact taught me this. The way you behave yourself with others is incredibly important, as your child really observes you all the time,. So my daughter, again, told me, when I was small I saw that you treated others in a terribly respectful way and you would apologize often to anyone if you had made a mistake. And she added not just to other people but also to us children if you had got angry and you would come back to us and say, I am sorry I told this in an angry way, I apologize, but the message is the same though. So she said these things taught us this is what you do.

So Colin, humble little thoughts but it seems to have worked sort of well, lol

I think really that thinking about that you say no to, and what you authorize when they are very young, is essential.
And as they grow, you give more and more freedom of course to what they choose, and yes they will make mistakes, you wil cry inside, lol, but they will learn totally so much more this way.

And then lots of gentle humor soothe a lot of situations, it’s never too late to give a sense of humor oneself, and it takes off the drama of life… lol

[Jade]

42.20 Questioner: Thank you. Using the teach/learning relationship of parent to its child, what type of actions would demonstrate the activation of each energy center in sequence from red through violet?

Ra: I am Ra. This shall be the last full query of this working.

The entity, child or adult, as you call it, is not an instrument to be played. The appropriate teach/learning device of parent to child is the open-hearted beingness of the parent and the total acceptance of the beingness of the child. This will encompass whatever material the child entity has brought into the life experience in this plane.

There are two things especially important in this relationship other than the basic acceptance of the child by the parent.

Firstly, the experience of whatever means the parent uses to worship and give thanksgiving to the One Infinite Creator should, if possible, be shared with the child entity upon a daily basis, as you would say.

Secondly, the compassion of parent to child may well be tempered by the understanding that the child entity shall learn the biases of service to others or service to self from the parental other-self. This is the reason that some discipline is appropriate in the teach/learning. This does not apply to the activation of any one energy center, for each entity is unique, and each relationship with self and other-self doubly unique. The guidelines given are only general for this reason.

Is there a brief query before we leave this instrument?

I do my best to follow this quote from Ra with my 4 year old. Therefore I place the importance of teaching the child in this order:

1. Open-hearted beingness of myself
2. Total acceptance of the beingness of the child (to encompass their programmed experience for this incarnation)
3. Setting an example of worshiping the Creator daily (my 4 year old isn’t too keen on meditation yet unfortunately, though he has done it)
4. Instilling the biases of service to others

So, Ra says that we must accept our children as they are, but also guide them in service to others. I will say there is a marked difference in “Don’t put that in your mouth!” (safety issue) and “Sit down and mind your manners!” (potentially arbitrary control of behavior) What we do is put an emphasis on making kind choices, and while we don’t really have a punitive system in our house, there are certain privileges that are dependent upon making kind choices. Rarely have I ever forced my child to do anything. Often as parents we choose controlling the child for convenience, for ease and expedition of getting whatever tasks done that need checked off that list. It’s important to always look at why we are taking choices away from our children. If we remove their free will mainly for our own convenience - yes, I think that can potentially be an action that polarizes service to self.

Ra says that the reason our Logos favors bisexual reproduction is because children are a huge catalyst. It’s almost impossible to avoid making polarizing choices when we are faced with raising a child. We of course are going to make mistakes, but introspection and wanting to do better are very helpful tools in orienting ourselves out of the default expectation of parents (removal of all free will/suppression of the child’s being) towards a more enlightened expression of raising little ones. I just use empathy and try to imagine how I would want to be treated and do my best. Sometimes we put expectations of behavior on children that we don’t even have for ourselves. Adults don’t always “mind their manners” or “say please and thank you”. Of course it’s important to teach and encourage politeness, but I’m not going to make my child express subservience just to validate some form of social hierarchy that a 4 year old can’t even begin to comprehend. Sometimes we don’t feel good enough inside to be perfect on the outside, and I allow my child to exist in that space.

[itudemo]

There are several mentions about parents:

21.10 Questioner: When incarnation ceases to become automatic I am assuming that the entity can decide when he needs to reincarnate for the benefit of his own learning. Does he also select his parents?

Ra: I am Ra. This is correct.

18.8 Questioner: Then an entity, say, four years old would be totally responsible for any actions that were against or inharmonious with the Law of One. Is this correct?

Ra: I am Ra. This is correct. It may be noted that it has been arranged by your social complex structures that the newer entities to incarnation are to be provided with guides of a physical mind/body/spirit complex, thus being able to learn quickly what is consonant with the Law of One.

18.9 Questioner: Who are these guides?

Ra: I am Ra. These guides are what you call parents, teachers, and friends.

42.20 already mentioned by Jade

42.20 Questioner: Thank you. Using the teach/learning relationship of parent to its child, what type of actions would demonstrate the activation of each energy center in sequence from red through violet?

Ra: I am Ra. This shall be the last full query of this working.

The entity, child or adult, as you call it, is not an instrument to be played. The appropriate teach/learning device of parent to child is the open-hearted beingness of the parent and the total acceptance of the beingness of the child. This will encompass whatever material the child entity has brought into the life experience in this plane.

There are two things especially important in this relationship other than the basic acceptance of the child by the parent. Firstly, the experience of whatever means the parent uses to worship and give thanksgiving to the One Infinite Creator, should if possible be shared with the child entity upon a daily basis, as you would say. Secondly, the compassion of parent to child may well be tempered by the understanding that the child entity shall learn the biases of service to others or service to self from the parental other-self. This is the reason that some discipline is appropriate in the teach/learning. This does not apply to the activation of any one energy center for each entity is unique and each relationship with self and other-self doubly unique. The guidelines given are only general for this reason.

I see parental polarization symbolized in card where mythic figure is a parent and male is a child.

99.8 .. Let us now observe the evaluation of the two females. The observation that to the left-hand path moves the roughly physical and to the right-hand path the mental has a shallow correctness. There are deeper observations to be made concerning the relationship of the great sea of the unconscious mind to the conscious mind which may fruitfully be pursued. Remember, O student, that these images are not literal. They haunt rather than explicate.
…
We now speak of that genie, or elemental, or mythic figure, culturally determined, which sends the arrow to the left-hand transformation. This arrow is not the arrow which kills but rather that which, in its own way, protects. Those who choose separation, that being the quality most indicative of the left-hand path, are protected from other-selves by a strength and sharpness equivalent to the degree of transformation which the mind has experienced in the negative sense. Those upon the right-hand path have no such protection against other-selves for upon that path the doughty seeker shall find many mirrors for reflection in each other-self it encounters.

Parent has a bias towards kindness like Logos is. When teaching parent understands Logos better.

100.6 In this image of Transformation of Mind, then, each of the females points the way it would go, but is not able to move, nor are the two female entities striving to do so. They are at rest. The conscious entity holds both and will turn itself one way or the other or, potentially, backwards and forwards, rocking first one way then the other and not achieving the transformation. In order for the Transformation of Mind to occur, one principle governing the use of the deep mind must be abandoned.

It is to be noted that the triangular shape formed by the shoulders and crossed elbows of consciousness is a shape to be associated with transformation. Indeed, you may see this shape echoed twice more in the image, each echo having its own riches to add to the impact of this complex of concepts.

[Colin]

Thank you all!

Your replies are much appreciated.

I feel like, ultimately, if we have our children’s best interests in mind and are not treating/guiding them in a way that purely benefits the parent, such as you mentioned Jade, for the convenience of a quick result - when a quick result is not needed, unlike in an emergency - and when the parent is acting as a STO role model. Then even if some control is impressed or the child’s free will suppressed, the parent is at the very least not going to polarize negative to any meaningful degree, because the intent is to better the child and the parent is acting in service to them.

Even in the admittedly rough example (lacking context), “sit down and mind your manners” to me was an example to illustrate that one of a parents duties is to teach the child how to succeed in social groups. How to respect others and how to “play” with others in a way that makes others want to continue to “play” with your child.

I suppose it mostly boils down to having ones “heart in the right place”. Though we have excellent examples where many have been stuck between the 1 to 50% STO or the 1 to 94% STS middle grounds. It’s hard not to recall how Ra stated that even Hitler did not graduate as STS, because he was so strongly convinced that his actions were for the good of Germany. An example to us that having your “heart in the right place” is something that needs to be examined very much. Likely in meditation and searching ones intuition honestly, but also in discourse with other selves. Which again is why I thank you all so much for your support and replies.

And it is clearer to me how polarization one way or the other can be difficult to gauge in the moment, whether one action may polarize a small amount and another more meaningful action, like taking additional time to teach a child more fully and empathize with them more, might result in greater polarization. Even if both approaches had a similar result and the service to other intention existed for both, the resulting polarization is more a factor of the totality of circumstances, including perhaps the forgiveness, acceptance, and meditation/communion on the matter after the fact.