Do people change?

And if so, do people change on their own? Is it something someone just decides to do? What will bring someone to change if it doesn’t happen spontaneously?

(I know my questions are somewhat heavy handed considering how subtle all of this can be….)

I ask because for years now I have been wanting to make changes in my life, specific changes. And yet, somehow that does not seem to be enough to change, that is, wanting it.

Perhaps I do want these things but I just want other things more, and perhaps I am unaware of how much I want these other things! Maybe, just maybe…. My perspective is all screwed up!

How does one change their mind, their perspective, how does one change their experience? Perhaps I am being quite ignorant because the intuitive response from me is “you have to want it”……. Desire seems to be the main playing piece in this equation. But I don’t know.

I welcome personal anecdotes, theories, whatever! I just want the truth. Thanks y’all :heart::kissing_closed_eyes:

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I hear the personal resonance friend, sometimes it is difficult to recognize aspects of self without the reflection of a trusted and loved other to mirror us. I don’t know much on this so I am only sharing my perspective of this.

Identity, boundaries and authenticity… might be some things to contemplate. And the catalyst that brings our attention to them.

You are exactly where you are meant to be, this is very valid and important to you, and thank you for being brave enough to share.

I remember that no one needs to be fixed or changed, we are unique and beautiful even in our own questions, purposes, and struggles and dissonances, it is the discovery of self both alone and with other that help us to discover our own beauty, in this beauty we evolve into who or what we are meant to be.

A very close friend taught me that me being me is often the best thing I can do.


The first question coming up is “who is I” or “who am I” ?

My experience is that i did find out that the Ego ist mostly a set of programming from different (foreign) sources.
So there are two ways to work on it:
a) Deprogramming and analyse of the self. (This can change the Ego.)
b) Discover of the significance of the Ego after finding out that there is a higher self. (This will give another relation and sight on the Ego.)

There is a 90s computer game with writing far better than most books. Part of it attempts to answer a simple question, “what can change the nature of a man?” Man as in a human of either genders. If you have a high enough wisdom statistic, you can open an item. A bronze sphere, here is a sample of what the muses whispered to the writer…

“ The sphere wrinkles in your hands, the skin of the sphere peeling away into tears and turning into a rain of bronze that encircles you. Each droplet, each fragment that enters you, you feel a new memory stirring, a lost love, a forgotten pain, an ache of loss - and with it, comes the great pressure of regret, regret of careless actions, the regret of suffering, regret of war, regret of death, and you feel your mind begin buckling from the pressure - so MUCH, all at once, so much damage done to others… so much so an entire FORTRESS may be built from such pain. And suddenly, through the torrent of regrets, you feel the first incarnation again. His hand, invisible and weightless, is upon your shoulder, steadying you. He doesn’t speak, but with his touch, you suddenly remember your name…and it is such a simple thing, not at all what you thought it might be, and you feel yourself suddenly comforted. In knowing your name, your true name, you know that you have gained back perhaps the most important part of yourself. In knowing your name, you know yourself, and you know, now, there is very little you cannot do."

Nameless One: What can change the nature of a man?

The Transcendent One: I have seen you live a countless lives, Broken One, I have lived your endless quests that accomplish nothing except spread your torment through the multiverse. Then, this is my answer and you are my proof: Nothing can change the nature of a man.

Nameless One: You are wrong. If there is anything I have learned in my travels across the Planes, it is that many things may change the nature of a man. Whether regret, or love, or revenge or fear - whatever you believe can change the nature of a man, can. I’ve seen belief move cities, make men stave off death, and turn an evil hag’s heart half-circle. This entire Fortress has been constructed from belief. Belief damned a woman, whose heart clung to the hope that another loved her when he did not. Once, it made a man seek immortality and achieve it. And it has made a posturing spirit think it is something more than a part of me.

The Transcendent One: Believe what you will. You will die again, and you will forget again.


Perhaps “Wisdom” and “love of knowledge”?

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Hi Silly Harold,
Thank you for your query. From my experience, people do change. Their choices may lead them to new understandings that could create spontaneous change, pursuant to their intent to make specific changes. If one seeks change, but sees no potential avenues for same, my understanding is that the individual must gain a thorough understanding of the beliefs and expectations they hold to discover the source of their apparent inability to realize that they always have other choices that can lead to said desired change.

Free will indicates that the ability to choose is a constant, assuming the individual is lucid, cognizant of their self-created circumstances, and actually wants to change some element of their reality experience. Belief systems coalesce into experienced realities, thus changing or reconfiguring a particular belief can be a catalyst for the desired change to take effect. “Acting as if” the preferred belief is already accepted by the ( social memory complex) body consciousness-having actively intended to accomplish said change-alters ones’ perception enough to spontaneously generate the desired change. I hope you find that helpful.


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From my personal experiences, especially over the last year, I’d have to say…

Yes. People do change. Sometimes the change comes to us in ways we’d never expect. But some truths are so hard to ignore that they nudge you to look at things in an entirely new perspective. Once you take on that new perspective, nothing seems the same again. You take that new filter and apply it to what you used to know and you can’t help but see things in an entirely new light.

The shadows are no longer the same. Trying to recreate the light in the same way is impossible, as each time, that light will hit in an entirely new way, lighting up shadows that were once impossible to see.

Once these shadows are made aware to you, there is nothing more you can do than heal those shadows.

That is the best way you can show yourself unconditional love, making it easier to share that essence with the rest of the world once you are healed.

It’s like practice for greater things. First heal yourself, then you are in an excellent place to help others find healing within themselves. Showing yourself unconditional love paves the way to share that love with others.

I am a strong believer in change being a beneficial part of healing. One cannot remove themselves from the sinkhole if they aren’t aware they are in one to begin with.

In conclusion, I have learned myself, when it’s time to ask for help, especially when things get too hard, there are many who would always be willing to lend you a hand when you are being sucked under the quicksand. No one has to go through this alone. :green_heart::blush:


It is my undersranding that everything changes…constantly, people included. Although there are those choices-whether philisiohical, religious, existential- that may persist in ones’ personality and behaviors, ultimately, everything changes, except the fact that we exist.

Biologically we change moment to moment relatively unconsciously as the body expresses its magical creative symphony of creation and re-creation based on both its ancestral programming and that which we hold as concretized or crystallized belief structures which generate appearances of both static- seeming states, and changes generally speaking, from comfort to dis-comfort; balance to imbalance.

As Source, we choose via our Free Will whether to invoke change toward polarization or distortion depending upon our focused intent, therefore, we do- and by nature-must change.

Emerson so eloquently stated, our thoughts, actions, habits, and character all contribute to shaping our destiny. In order to change, it is necessary to first recognize the patterns of thought and behavior that we wish to alter. And as Emerson suggests, the key to doing so is to simply stop engaging in those actions that we desire to change. It is through this process of self-awareness and self-discipline that we can begin to align our thoughts and actions with our true selves and ultimately manifest our desired destiny.

Free will as a measure of our ability to change:

Free will and the ability to change oneself are closely related in that they both involve the ability to make choices. Free will allows individuals to make choices based on their own desires and beliefs, while the ability to change oneself involves making conscious decisions to alter one’s thoughts, actions, and habits. In order to change oneself, one must use their free will to make the choice to do so and take the necessary steps to effect that change.

Thank you brother for asking this question, it has been more help for me than you can imagine!