Understanding more about exactly what it means to “Give/offer one’s love without the expectation of anything in return”…

Spiritual & Metaphysical Matters
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I’m just trying to learn or understand more deeply and hear other POV’s in regards to the idea of:
“Offering or giving unconditional love/offering service to others without any expectation of receiving anything in return”

I’m trying to further analyze this mainly through the lense of being a mother, but also being a wife/husband or other type life partner. As a mother/parent we often get on an autopilot to do what needs to be taken care of in life when the children are younger.
Also, how do we apply and merge this not having an expectation after all of our giving, giving, and more giving with or to an understanding of what healthy relationships are? I understand each of us has a unique gage measuring the crap we will put up with in life from others.
For me in my mom world, I had just always assumed eventually my kids would follow my examples. However as our kids grow and become teenagers and beyond, this is not always the case. Specifically in my life, my 17 year old son for example- I check with him every day at least once to see how he’s doing and how he’s feeling having a good day etc. I do this because I care about how he’s doing and feeling and because I love him. But in his 17 years of life, he has never came to me and asked if I had a good day or how I’m doing. I never doubt his love for me. Nor am I saying I feel like he doesn’t care or anything However, me asking him how he’s feeling is asked without an expectation in return. I’m not asking him about his day or whatever because I want or expected him to ask me about mine. I just feel like as an adult it’s probably a good idea to learn ideas on how to have healthy relationships. And this is typically seen as something one partner would have as an expectation for of the other or typically seen as something someone asked a person they love- To show interest in loved one’s day or overall feeling of the day.
How should a parent teach our children what they should do in a “healthy relationship” or should not do…. What does a parent do when they themselves are very much oriented towards serving others, but give birth to a child whom may not be oriented towards serving others- but oriented towards serving them selves? Are we supposed to try show them how it’s better for everyone to serve others? Or do we just love and support the ways of their mind? And not inform them of other possibilities?
How can we as adults have healthy functioning relationships without having an expectation of the other person in the relationship?
For me, at age 42 I realized that it may be part of my pre-incarnational planning for me to experience or further understand this concept of giving without the expectation of anything in return- possibly in the most extreme circumstances or cases of people who are seemingly unable to give love to others due to their own distortions and maybe even mental health status. I’ve have very wonderful meaningful relationships with people who others see as “psychopaths or crazy” and I concluded long ago- do crazy people not deserve love too? Of course we all get to the point where we see how any person is going to do things that another doesn’t “like” and to have a life partner means finding someone who does things that you can tolerate or deal with. Just like “one man’s trash is another’s treasure, one psychopath is another’s soul mate lol. And also, I think we all are crazy in our own way.
Thank you all for reading my topic and I appreciate anything offered.

Hello wonderful people- thank you for taking the time to read my words and even offer nice words of advice back. However, in reading the first comments it has occurred to me that I must edit the post to convey 2 things- First and most importantly, I love being a mom and love the crap outta my kids. They are all perfectly wonderful and amazing people. I love everything about them and they truly are overall wonderful little people. I cherish all moments that I’ve been literally gifted as their mother. Because being a mothering unit is one of the most amazing gifts life offers in my opinion. I have extremely good relationships with all three of my kids and am very involved in their lives and entire existence. This even extends to their close friends who usually also call me mom. I talk to my kids about everything and anything! I’m even lucky enough they are even comfortable talking to me about loosing their virginity and having sex. They got this way because I’m also not the typical parent because given them an abundance of love compassion and understanding and even more patience. I have always had open flowing communication from them and to them. I take the time to give them proper guidance through love and understanding and I have allowed my kids to have the freedom to make whatever their choices will be. And they have always known that I solidly love them regardless. Because it is unconditional love. I am always going to remain the loving compassionate mom regardless of what they may decide. This includes everything from drug experimentation, to wanting to be able to go out in the middle of the night to go see their friends who have to lie and sneak out, to other things like continuing to go to high school and compete it or not. It actually makes me sad to think of a parent who may look at their own children and see the product of how their kids ‘turned out’ and look at them as hitting the jackpot if their kids are seen as a being love patience and honesty but not a win if the kid turns to drugs or crime. (side note just to consider- their are MANY really awesome beings who are full of love, patience, and honesty but also choose to use drugs or commit crimes) I have fully supported and loved each of my kids as the perfect being they are. I am definitely not that parent trying to make or force their kids be something the kid is not. I thought I had clearly communicated but It was not my intention to seem that I am unhappy of sorts with how my kids have turned out. Or anything like that. be clear I’m not looking for advice The post is just things that i have been contemplating for a while and thought id try a post. I absolutely DO NOT ever feel like I’ve done anything wrong or regret anything. I don’t give in to worry. I love every day I get with my kids. I’m not ever overwhelmed by being a mom. And I never even grapple with any negative or shameful or fearful feelings in any way.
In truth I don’t really follow any advice Of others anyway.
Secondly- I did not create this post to get ‘advice’. These are just some things that I contemplate often because I feel like it can be confusing for many people to understand. Just was looking for points of view on how to help others and kids learn and understand. But more to see what people think about these things in general. Or maybe what one person may do if it was them experiencing it or maybe others have contemplated something similar. Thank you!

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In my opinion, you give because it feels good for you, not because you expect something in return. A trivial example, say there is a Youtube video and in this video the author makes mistakes. You write a comment, which corrects these mistakes, but the author does not thank you, give you a heart or like or provide a reply.

On the other hand, you can try to bargain - I will give you this, and/but you will give me that, or try to manipulate - give without clear communication with an understanding of how things work and intention to get your expected result. For example, give a gift when visiting a doctor, or giving an advice when selling a product by saying that such product is frequently bought thus you better hurry.

“giving, giving and more giving” … until child cannot speak, you you do what you must for it to survive and be in acceptable condition. When child can communicate, understand and be autonomious, you offer because you want them good or they ask you.

“how do we apply and merge this not having an expectation” … “assumed eventually my kids would follow my examples” … contemplate if you made a mistake because of ignorance and love. Also, communicate openly with those people in question, say what you did and how you feel and let them freely offer what they can.

“What does a parent do when they themselves are very much oriented towards serving others, but give birth to a child whom may not be oriented towards serving others- but oriented towards serving them selves?” … throw this methaphysical baggage through the window for some time, consider behaving like a normal person with simple concepts.

“How can we as adults have healthy functioning relationships without having an expectation of the other person in the relationship” … you must have some expectations, cannot be a martyr, communicate what you want, how you feel, wrong person chosen maybe, leave.

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As parents, we are to guide and offer counseling, we express our beliefs and understanding, we invest our love, time, money, compassion and patience in our children. However they have their own lives, own authority to choose - to listen or ignore, to respect boundaries or break them, to become selfish or service to others orientied. Our role is to guide, and to be an example. It is a significant investment, from ourself. It requires self-sacrifice, delaying or cancelling some personal ambitions. It requires patience, and is an excellent way to develop this virtue, which is particularly important in this and higher densities.
It requires self sacrifice, which is another term for service to others. A subtle soul level program to improve our polarity towards the light, perhaps?

It is a journey, and it has highs and lows. When the lows come and swamp us, do we turn to self-pity, self-blame, self-judgement, which typically stem from the FEAR of FAILURE in our DUTY to guide?
Are their choices truly our responsibility? Could we have done better, to be better guides and counselors to these children?
It may be difficult right now, but possibly try to take a step back, and remind yourself: 'I have served. I give love freely, and will always love love them. The disharmony they are choosing is of their own making, and I honour that choice. When they are ready, I will be here with counsel, and with love."
It may be of assistance to you, given that you have possibly found out that shouting angrily at them does not achieve the results you were hoping for.

What may appear at first, to be our failure to give adequate counsel, may turn out to be one of their fears operating that they have come to earth, to come to terms with. Despite our best efforts, the time is not right yet, for them to believe in themselves, to honour the sacrifices you have made, and the love you have given them to boost them on their journey. It is their path now, and they DO have the final say in how it will play out.

The path of service to self involves control/ Controlling situations, other people, behaviour. Parenting requires a significant amount of this, up to a point. Up to a certain age. One day, we must resist this tendency to be in charge of their choices. We can no longer control those offspring. We have given our best counsel and advisement. Did we hit the jackpot? (A being of love, patience and honesty) Did we only get 5th division, or no win at all (drugs and crime)? Our investment is, regardless of the outcome, worth every penny of time, love, devotion and service that we paid.

Warm greetings,
Lightfoot.

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Hello, thank you for taking the time to reply on this post. I’m wondering about a few things in your reply- I asked :
What does a parent do when they themselves are very much oriented towards serving others, but give birth to a child whom may not be oriented towards serving others- but oriented towards serving them selves?”
To which your response was
… throw this methaphysical baggage through the window for some time, consider behaving like a normal person with simple concepts…

Just wondering how you find this question to be “metaphysical baggage”? And what exactly does a person do who is behaving as a “normal” person with “simple concepts”… and why is that something you say I should be doing? Seems like my question was frustrating or something to you?

Lastly wondering why if someone has chosen to be involved in a relationship or offering love or service with another and not have any expectation of getting anything in return does this directly jump to being a martyr?
I may have wrongly assumed that people who were reading this were at least familiar with the law of one, amongst other things forgive me if I’m wrong.

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For my money, you’re right on track. We’ll always have to make compromises, and the Confederation folks recommend we err in favor of love. How we interpret that is part of how we learn, and how we act is the same, and your seeing all this in terms of love puts you in harmony with the incoming fourth density energies we are now receiving.

You might consider the possibility that you are over thinking this.

Keep the love flowing.

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OK, I am not a parent, these are just my thoughts. So I will point to parts of your post and then go to the Law of One and how I understand it.

Firstly, where is the father in all this? Even though the deep state has done a terrific job of convincing women that men are unnecessary, as anything other than tax chattle. In my understanding, in parenting men are needed for a lot of different reasons. Partly this is because men think differently. To men, things are structural, logical. So when it comes to discipline men often say ‘you do x for y reason’. They are naturally inclined to negotiate in this way. Women however, tend to apply discipline in the way: “If you don’t do x I will be upset”. So the child realises that if they accept this discipline, they will be at the mercy of someones mercurial mood shifts.

But in his 17 years of life, he has never came to me and asked if I had a good day or how I’m doing. I never doubt his love for me.

Well… why not? Are you psychic? In truth, at that age when testosterone kicks in and intense emotions take over the entire person, I didn’t think much about my mother either. I basically got stalked and bullied by an attractive girl and had no resources to deal with the situation and I just never really wanted to talk to my mother about it. If you have a male child as a woman there are things that guys will just not tell you. There are levels of testosterone fuelled obsession and darkness that men simply will not tell women. I imagine it is also the other way around.

But a person is not going to get very far in life if they do not understand empathy.

How should a parent teach our children what they should do in a “healthy relationship” or should not do…. What does a parent do when they themselves are very much oriented towards serving others, but give birth to a child whom may not be oriented towards serving others- but oriented towards serving them selves?

Well, parenting is one of the most important jobs we have to do on this earth. When a person has a kid, they should be buying parenting books. Someone wouldn’t start an engineering job without having a good lot of engineering books on their bookshelf. Secondly, if a parent raises a service to self child then they raised them wrong. A child has no free will. Practically. Because they are dependent for their survival on the adult. If, for instance, a parent says they will leave the child in response to something the child is doing. They are threatening the childs life. A child cannot survive on their own. So the child has to play ball.

And in Law of One lingo a service to self child won’t choose service to others parents because it would prevent them harvesting.

They only start to gain free will at about 12. And that is partial free will. Some independent thought, ability to look after themselves and interact with peers. Then full free will when they are legally an adult. If a child has not developed empathy before the age of 12 when the parent had full control over said child. Then this is the parents bad parenting.

Of course there are exceptions. I.e. if the IQ is so low that the person cannot experience empathy, or a brain injury. But these exceptions don’t apply to civilised Western countries mostly.

I’ve have very wonderful meaningful relationships with people who others see as “psychopaths or crazy” and I concluded long ago- do crazy people not deserve love too?

No, that’s called karma. They don’t love others so they do not deserve love. It is also not possible for someone that is virtuous to love a person that is not virtuous. Love, to quote a philosopher, is our involuntary response to virtue if we are virtuous. You can’t love the part of another that is not virtuous because that is not the real them. People express their real self through virtue and that’s the part that we love.

This includes everything from drug experimentation, to wanting to be able to go out in the middle of the night to go see their friends who have to lie and sneak out, to other things like continuing to go to high school and compete it or not. It actually makes me sad to think of a parent who may look at their own children and see the product of how their kids ‘turned out’ and look at them as hitting the jackpot if their kids are seen as a being love patience and honesty but not a win if the kid turns to drugs or crime.

I don’t quite know what to say to this. These kids are headed straight for Sodom and Gomorrah it sounds like. Obviously a father isn’t in the picture, men just don’t put up with this kind of thing, even if they are drug dealers themselves. If you support someone drug habit you are supporting the worst side of them. It’s like, if I had control over your life and carefully incentivised all the worst behaviours you could choose, and then your life became terrible. Would that be love? Would I genuinely care about you and want the best for you if I were to do that?

A person that is doing drugs is a menace to those around them and thus gains karma from that independent of what the parents want.

The Law of One.

In my understanding, the Law of One is not a suitable guide as a standalone text. The reason is is that the Law of One takes too much of a macro view. The Law of One archetypally, is at the moon level. It is a point where we start to gain a bit of light but we don’t have the answer yet.

It took me decades to understand their explanation of karma as told in session 34. Squaring that with the practical reality of the world. Understanding how situations work out and how working on the self ends that karma and what that looks like.

Obviously, if people don’t do that work, they won’t understand the text. The Law of One also speaks a lot about how people are individual and that to understand something you eventually go beyond it. It’s rather like how a lot of people have a very strange idea on Christianity that is not true on the Law of One’s description and from various other sources including correctly reading the bible. People will often take the shallowest interpretation of a text to justify their own path of least resistance, and casual amorality.

The passage you describe as I understand it is when someone has reached the point of their spiritual mission and have got enough grounding and clarity that they express what their truth is and what their energy is and don’t think about having something returned back to them. I don’t know about this in the link to parenting and one on one encounters. But we can see this in someone like Carla Rueckert that gets up and does her channeling, or expresses herself in some other way, and doesn’t then turn around and say “that will be $20”. There are a fair few people that have a business model like this. Youtubers and various things.

If you look at Carla’s output she encouraged people to forego all alcohol and even sugar in her channelings! This is not the same kind of love as you are describing here.

Also this:

Questioner: Thank you. Using the teach/learning relationship of parent to its child, what type of actions would demonstrate the activation of each energy center in sequence from red through violet?

Ra: I am Ra. This shall be the last full query of this working.

The entity, child or adult, as you call it, is not an instrument to be played. The appropriate teach/learning device of parent to child is the open-hearted beingness of the parent and the total acceptance of the beingness of the child. This will encompass whatever material the child entity has brought into the life experience in this plane.

There are two things especially important in this relationship other than the basic acceptance of the child by the parent. Firstly, the experience of whatever means the parent uses to worship and give thanksgiving to the One Infinite Creator, should if possible be shared with the child entity upon a daily basis, as you would say. Secondly, the compassion of parent to child may well be tempered by the understanding that the child entity shall learn the biases of service to others or service to self from the parental other-self. This is the reason that some discipline is appropriate in the teach/learning. This does not apply to the activation of any one energy center for each entity is unique and each relationship with self and other-self doubly unique. The guidelines given are only general for this reason.

Is there a brief query before we leave this instrument?

So when the Law of One talks about learning service to others “biases” from the parent. Drug taking is probably not what is meant by that.

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In my opinion,

I find this metaphysical baggage, because “service for others”, “service for self” are concepts which I have found only in “alien channelings”. These are “alien” concepts, not human. It might be easy for “aliens” to operate using these concepts, because they know what these concepts represent “under the hood”. It seems like a technical, objective concepts, like a biology, certainly not personal truth and applied to every entity. You really have to understand how these concepts are formed from simple everyday interactions and feelings in self. Thus, you might use those concepts with your own understanding and attribute them to false things, in other words, mistakenly use a concept.

Somewhat similar example from my personal life - I deleted a note from channelings about incarnational lessons, that incarnational lessons are that which (if I remember correctly) repeats in your life as a pattern, because “incarnational lessons” are not practical, I cannot prove for myself neither incarnation, neither lessons as being true phenomena. Although, that concept of “incarnational lessons” is emotional and has some kind of personal meaning to me, I don’t want to use it, because it seems to be a belief. Thus, simple things like solving your everyday problems and trying to improve your situation is enough, I think, and by removing unneeded concepts from your life you actually become lighter and have less baggage, by having less trouble for contemplation and filters of various kind when functioning in life.

A normal person, majority of persons and who does not read “alien channelings”. Simple concepts, concepts which are not retrieved from some kind of religion or philosophy, you know what objects, feelings they represent. Such, a person does not use “service for others” or “service for self” in their understanding and everyday activities. They can say for example you are “selfish”, “compassionate”, “kind”, “useless” etc. but not “service”. You really have to know what technically means in “alien” understanding of service. Also, if you have trouble with understanding what it means, you have to ask the author of these concepts, not some kind of people on forums, who cannot give anything more than what is channeled already, kind of the blind leading the blind.

You should be doing, because it will be less confusion when you remove multitude of concepts you use in your life, which not be even needed and are a habit or simply a pile of circumstance gathering up and up through life.

“Seems like my question was frustrating or something to you” … it was, I have trouble limiting my desire to communicate, because it is a waste of time in my understanding, I want just work and nothing more. :sweat_smile: Also, I am generally very frustrated and it seems this manner of using anger words lets me write the comment, if I wouldn’t use those words, I would have trouble writing the comment.

Why would you start a relationship without wanting anything in return? You start a relationship either you want to have sex, money, family, you like being with that person and want to be with him everyday. Martyr means I think that you endure pain that others would not have pain or feel better. Thus, since you as a person have natural needs and you repress those needs for other to feel better or you spend yourself to the point of damage of yourself for other to be better, then you are a martyr.

“I may have wrongly assumed that people who were reading this were at least familiar with the law of one, amongst other things forgive me if I’m wrong.” … this kind of feels like you are trying to humiliate me here. I am familiar somewhat. I select what is appropriate for me and try to apply in my life. The way you use these concepts in you text, as most of the people here, my intuition says that you don’t have any idea what you actually are doing. The way you connect thoughts, providing 0 examples, writing blocks of text without refinement.

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I thought of this after I finished my last post.

Relationships it seems to me are largely transactional. I know you don’t like using the lingo but I do. In terms of the quote ‘radiate onto others’ etc. I summarised how that might work in relation to someone expressing spiritual truths like Carla. Relationships it seems to me are very different.

In a codependent relationship. The codependent is definitely gaining something out of the relationship. I have not made adequate notes about the philosophy of this. But it is a kind of virtue signalling. They are gaining the feeling of being a good person or something like that. This good feeling is often in opposition to actual morals as in the person that subsidises anothers drug habit. So it allows the codependent to feel moral without being moral.

It seems to me that all relationships are fundamentally transactional. A marriage is resources for sex as an example. If someone cheats it is considered breaking the marriage vow. Over a long period of time that transactional nature can take a bit of a back seat. Like, if someone is in a long term relationship and their partner gets ill. But even with family a transactional element is expected. Like, I expect my sister to answer my communication to her otherwise I probably won’t have much to do with her.

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On reflection, I see better now, your question.

Also, I would edit my initial response, and remove the jackpot analogy completely. I did not mean petty crime and minor experimentation, I meant extreme selfishness long term, causing pain and suffering to others as a life path. I’m sorry I rushed somewhat. Also, I don’t have teenagers, only under 10, so I don’t know what you know, on changing gears for that level of development.

On topic, I see you are instead contemplating the nature of love itself.
A complex topic. How would one give love, without expecting anything, but simultaneously guide another to have healthy boundaries, so they do not get exploited.

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For me, relationship is not necessarily transactional. Transactional means bargaining and making deals, for example, if you don’t have sex with me, I will not give you money or I will not make you a meal.

Lets say relationship is living together under a single roof, sleeping together, cuddling, having sex, watching movies together, eating under a single table at the same time.

You do that because, it feels good for you and on top of that if it feels good for the other. Or in reverse, if it feels good for the other and then if it feels good for you. For example, if you want to have sex, you initiate it and the other person does not want it, then you stop. You respect that the other person does not want to have sex and you don’t try to negotiate or manipulate the other person to have sex with you.

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Yes, 100%, and if we are in a relationship, and you don’t have sex with me for a long time, then I leave the relationship and it ceases to exist (unless of course the woman is aided by the guns of the state and can extort the man through alimony and child support, which might act as an incentive to accept an unequal relationship, but that is a complex wrinkle to a simplistic analogy). Thus it is a trade. Sex is a part of a marriage partly because in a marriage, which are monogamous. We have a monopoly on our partners sexuality. So they can’t go and have sex with someone else because they are in a relationship with us.

Edit, of course leaving a relationship is not the first solution, but with someone that refuses negotiation it is the only one. Because someone who refuses negotiation is expecting to rule the relationship via tyranny.

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There’s a human who’s been somewhat popular for a couple of thousand years who talked about loving your neighbor as yourself. He led an exemplary life of service to others, many would say. He freely gave of himself without expectation of a quid pro quo.

There have been many religious orders of one sort or another over the centuries filled with people who dedicated their lives to loving without expectation of receiving anything in return.

As you point out, this is impractical. Why would anyone do this?

Great question.

One way of viewing this is that what we call “practical” are things which pertain to everyday life, such as food, clothing and shelter. We all have to deal with these things to one extent or another. And these things are at the level of concern of our first three energy centers, and that’s quite enough for many people.

The next energy center, the heart, however, has concerns on a broader level, and is not contented with only practical matters. The heart knows all of us to be divine emanations traveling a sacred path and it likes to concern itself with things on that level.

Naturally, all these things have to be balanced out by all of us individually. Joining a group and dedicating your life to serving others is not the right path for many people, for instance.

Although, not so “practical,” pursuing the spiritual love of the heart does have immense benefits in terms of inner experience of the fullness of self, of transformation of daily life so that it becomes more and more a sacred experience.

For example, you mentioned sex. If sex is merely enacted only on a physical basis, the experience can become more engaging when a playfield of emotion is added to it. Likewise, it gains again in dimensioality when a playfield of the heart is further added, where two hearts may combine and reach out to enjoy self and other as spirit.

That’s not practical, I suppose, but maybe that’s not the most important criterion for making a Choice?

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Yes, thank you for understanding lightfoot. At least someone gets it so far……
love and light to you all

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51-49. That’s the count. To make it work, to be in balance, it’s 51-49. :two_hearts:

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To shield a person from exploitation by others, would require knowledge of self as worthy, and the internal wisdom to intuit trustworthiness. Therefore increasing their self-worth will give general protection. They have to feel it, not just hear it said. This is easiest done through career and feeling like a valuable, contributing member of society. It could be done by participating in community groups as well - conservation, tree-planting, volunteering at shelters, volunteer fire brigade, or part-time web administrator for a worthy cause.
Good physical health is also a very valuable, long term source of self-worth.
Skills like being a good swimmer, runner, mathmatician will provide self worth as well. We all cannot help but compare ourselves with others, so giving each person a sense of self-accomplishment, self-pride, a way to feel very good about themselves is best practice.

Self worth and self love is not associated with service-to-self path. Self love, self forgiveness, self tolerance, and valuing the self, is needed to discern when to say no, put boundaries or when to quit a job or relationship, as various experiences are offered freely or emotionally pushed at a person.

We all have childhood trauma to some degree. Working through it quicker, rather than later (or not at all) will massively clear the decks of emotional distortions which block the free flow of light, through the chakras, and a balanced and harmonious self worth - without excessive pride and self-aggrandizing - (a little bit is quite alright), is going to make that task easier and more complete.

The sometimes harsh judgements we make against ourselves, and against others in the first few decades of our life here, become our childhood trauma. If left untreated, they discolour the remainder of the lifetime. I view these blockages as the single most important obstacle to overcome, for each and every individual on earth.

I hope this helps.
All the best upon your quest.

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