You say that you are in the position of “patriarch” and want to control her in a sense. And you say that “this is the point of the traditions where the men controlled the women a great deal”. So speaking now as a so-called feminist, I want to inform all men that women do not need men to be protective over them and control them. I am morally against people sleeping around casually. But I know that these are just my own convictions and I want everyone (both men and women) to have the right to have their own moral compass and convictions. If these women are sleeping around a lot in their 20s, well guess what, the 20 year-old men are also doing the same thing. If men can do it and are not castigated for it, a woman should also not be told that she cannot do it. I respect everyone’s free will as long as it does not infringe on someone else to the extent that it results in rape, murder or some other serious offense. I think that men sleep around far more often than women do and for longer in their lifespan. They also have a higher number of sexual partners in their lifetimes than women on average do. Why is it OK for a man. It is becoming more rare these days, but there are still women out there who will not have sex before marriage. Far fewer men actually fit into this category.
In an idealistic world, every child would have both a mother and a father. The mother and father would instill morals and loving discipline in their children so that the children would not leave the house and become sexually promiscuous, get into drugs, or do other things that are harmful towards their life. If the mother and father both model these behaviors that they want from their children in their own relationship, then in this idealistic world, the children will not depart from what they have been taught. If a child does stray and become rebellious, then yes, it is painful for the parents to have to witness this, but they have already taught their child the right way to live so now they just have to let their adult child have their own free will and live their own life. This individual obviously is choosing to learn their lessons the hard way. If the child comes back to you like in the story of the prodigal son, you should welcome them back with open arms and unconditional love.
I also do not agree with you saying that your sister “should take her life seriously and attempt to move up in social status” by marrying young and having children. Yes, she does need to take her life seriously, but why does she need to move up in social status. If she finds a wonderful man who treats her well but he happens to be a sanitation worker, then I think she should find no shame in being with him. The only reason to get into a relationship to raise your social status is if you only care about yourself, money, or how you are perceived by others. Yes, her life and her future children’s lives would be easier and more comfortable if she married a man that had more money. But as far as marrying and having children while you’re young, WHY? A lot of women don’t fully know who they are until after the age of 25, and even then they don’t really fully know themselves until they are in their 30s. You have reflected this yourself by saying that a lot of women in their 30s will finally try to settle down. A man who gets married to a woman in her 20s will find out that she is not the same woman that she was when she reaches her 40s. Age changes everyone’s perspectives on life. I have a very close friend who got married at the age of 20 and had four children by the time she was 26. She absolutely loves her children, but she mentions to me and her other friends all of the time how much she wished she had never gotten married so young or had children. She wishes she had delayed her child-bearing by 7-10 years. She feels like she never got to live her life, and she went from being a child herself to then raising children. As a mother, once you have children, you are no longer the priority. Your children come first for at least the next 18 years. You are on duty 24/7 ,365 days a year times 18 years and never get a break. I have 13 nieces and nephews and I have been around a lot of young children. Young children will not let their mothers even have the time to go to the bathroom by themselves without interrupting them. Why not take the time for yourself in your 20s, and then when you are ready to settle down in your 30s, have your family. Personally, from the relationships that I have observed, the majority of the relationships where people get married in their 20s tend to end up in divorce because they were too immature at the time and did not fully know their partner. People who wait later and get married in their 30s and then start having children tend to have a more successful, long-term relationship. But the people who wait until their 40s to get married for the first time in their life have generally waited too long. If they do find someone to marry, this 40 year old person is already so set in their ways that it is very hard for them to accommodate living in the same house with another person when they have not done that for 40 years.This is just my own opinion, it may not be correct or based on fact.
You can give your sister your opinion, but then let her live her own life. Free will must always be respected. We do not need patriarchal rules to try to “protect “women. Yes, women do want and need to feel protected by their fathers and their husbands, but this should be done in a way that it does not infringe upon their own free will. You can tell them that dressing provocatively, or hanging out in a dangerous area may not be the smartest or safest thing to do, but it needs to be left up to them to follow that advice. If a woman truly respects her father or her husband, she would not be placing herself in dangerous situations where she would need to be protected and controlled. If I lived in an unsafe area, and I felt that I might be raped by just walking out on the streets, then I would appreciate my father, brother, or husband walking with me to make sure that I am safe. These types of protective measures I am OK with.
