Let me first qualify by saying I don’t think there is a “right” or “wrong” way to live out a particular incarnation. There is always learning and experiences to be had no matter what.
Here is an excerpt from Latwii, May 12, 1985 for an example of what I want to dive into.
I am Latwii, and we may respond to this query by saying yes and no. We do not mean to confuse—let us clarify. To begin with, yes, a plan may unfold its outline and its specific experience in a manner other than that which was planned, yet it cannot be said to be wrong, for each entity in each experience may observe the infinite opportunity to learn the lesson of love. In some degree all plans will incorporate this lesson and will reflect this lesson in an unique fashion. When a plan has deviated from the course laid before the incarnation, there are, shall we say, certain fail-safe devices, as we may use this term, which also have been incorporated that have the hoped-for effect of bringing the plan once again back into congruency with that which was determined before the incarnation. There are an infinite number of these devices which are preprogrammed, and there are an infinite number of opportunities for the incarnational entity to utilize these devices or to ignore them, for, indeed, within the incarnation, free will needs that which you may call determinism, and the incarnation then becomes a balance between these two forces.
I have always been interested in the subject of purpose, plans, destiny…etc.
Not only has it been an interest, but I have struggled with knowing whether or not I am doing things according to “plan” for this incarnation of mine or not. It has caused me much suffering as I REALLY seem to have a desperate desire to know if I am making proper choices or not.
You may have read my recent posts about catalyst and depression…
I am at a very strange place in my life right now…a lot of things unknown…a pull to surrender completely to Creator into the unknown…
And yet, I still feel so tangled up about how to actually do this surrendering stuff.
How do I know if I am doing it “right”?
How will I know if I am being redirected?
Right now, nothing at all seems to be working for me except sleeping more than usual, being very low energy, wanting to have less and less to do, disinterest in things that used to be enjoyable…
It’s odd too, there seems to be a pattern, I will have what seems to be an inspiration to create something or to make a small plan for some business ideas. I will start doing the ideas or creative things and then mid-way through, I’m like, “Why am I even doing this?” It suddenly feels completely exhausting to try and do these things in the middle of doing them…thinking that I had the inspiration to do them and then it just vanishes and I feel drained.
I have a sense within me that this is all part of the “process of awakening” but it feels so disorganized…out of place…blurry…messy…frustrating…I can’t seem to plan a single thing because when I do, it doesn’t seem to work out. How can I know this is a process rather than some ego thing?
How can I know if I am being guided into surrender…or if I am just being terribly lazy?
I appreciate any thoughts in advance.